


Comeback

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-04-09
Updated: 2003-04-09
Packaged: 2019-05-15 15:07:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 26,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14792807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: The premise is Donna never went to Josh for help after she lied to Cliff about the diary.





	1. Comeback

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

   


 

**Comeback**

**by: Dee**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, AU, Angst  
**Rating:** MATURE  
**Summary:** The premise is Donna never went to Josh for help after she lied to Cliff about the diary.  
**Written:** 4th Sept 03 

_February 4,_

I can't believe it! I got the job. I just walked into his office and started doing stuff. I probably shouldn't have picked up his phone that first time, but once I did, it amazed me how natural it seemed. I think I freaked him out a little in the beginning, but then he handed me his ID and I was in. Just like that. He guessed about Tom � which was strange, but he also seemed to understand too. Called him Dr. Freeride. God does that name fit. I called Dad and I think he's disappointed that I'm not coming home right away. But I also think he's glad too. Glad that I left Tom. Glad that I'm going to start living my life for me. I don't know how long this is going to last, but I can't wait to get started. I think I'll show up super early tomorrow. Maybe beat him to work to prove how committed I am. 

"Will the defendant please rise?" 

Donna stood next to her lawyer and was grateful her knees had decided to hold. It was a closed courtroom: just the prosecutor, the judge, and the usual assortment of courtroom workers. No jury. She didn't need one, as she had already pled guilty to perjury and obstruction. This was the sentencing and although Jack assured her that there was very little chance she was going to jail, it wasn't a guarantee. Her life as she knew it was in the judge's hands. 

"Ms. Moss you understand that the charges against you are serious." 

"Yes, your honor." Donna met the older woman's expression and hoped that maybe because she was a woman she might understand. Especially since she read the diary. 

"That said, the court appreciates your cooperation in turning over the diary quickly as well as your full admission of guilt. Relax Ms. Moss, I'm not sending you to jail. After reading the diary I can see that your attempt was not to actually obstruct the investigation, but rather to protect your own secrets. It was a stupid thing to do Ms. Moss." 

"Yes, your honor." 

"Okay. But I can't overlook the charges and so you and those who follow you will understand how serious they are, I am fining you ten thousand dollars for perjury and another five thousand for obstruction. Also I'm sentencing you to two years in a minimum- security prison, I am however suspending that sentence. You understand though this means you are on probation Ms. Moss? Any violation of that probation and you will serve that time." 

"Yes, your honor." 

"You'll see the bailiff about payment. Court dismissed." 

Donna heard the bang of the gavel and felt her legs give out underneath her. Fifteen thousand dollars, but she didn't have to go to jail. She could live with it. What she didn't know is if she could live with the stigma of being a felon. That remained to be seen. She turned and found her father. He walked up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder to let her know it would be okay. 

Feeling his support gave her the strength to stand again. She turned to her lawyer with an outstretched hand. "Thanks Jack." 

He shook it then snapped his briefcase shut. "Fifteen thousand's not bad, Donna. I mean I'm sorry I couldn't..." 

"No, it's okay. I was guilty and I have to pay up. It's justice." 

"It's not justice. It's a farce and Calley knew it. You just pissed him off." 

"It's over. All of it. So it doesn't really matter anymore. I gave you my address in Madison. You'll bill me there, okay?" 

"Right. Take care of yourself, Donna." 

Jack left and Donna breathed deeply. She left the room with her arm tucked into her father's and thought not for the first time that this wasn't how it was supposed to end. They left the court building and Donna closed her coat around her. It was December and just starting to get cold. She could feel the brisk wind sweep across her brow dampened with sweat and she shivered. 

She stopped when she saw him at the bottom of the steps. He jogged up to greet her and she felt her heart fall into her stomach. She thought she might be sick. She didn't want to do this. She told him not to come because she didn't want to do this. 

"I told you not to come." 

"Hi, Mr. Moss," he said, ignoring her. 

"Josh," her father replied in a way that clearly indicated he wasn't pleased with the younger man. No doubt he believed that somehow he had failed his daughter. "Let's go, Donna." 

"Donna... please," Josh asked looking to her then to her father. 

"I'll be there in a minute, Dad. It's okay." 

Her scowled at Josh first, but did as his daughter asked and waited for her on the sidewalk. 

"He's mad at me," Josh noted. "I guess he's got a right to be." 

"He doesn't. He's upset with me, and he wants to take it out on someone. You're an easy target." 

"I let you down." 

Donna shook her head. "I let you down, Josh. Stop trying to protect me." 

"If you had come to me..." 

"But I didn't." 

"If you had just told me..." 

"But I didn't," she repeated. They'd been over this before. The day she got the subpoena, then when she resigned. And no matter how many times he said he could have fixed it if only... the bottom line was she lied. She hadn't told him. Cliff made good on his threat. And now she was a felon. Shame washed over her and she found herself avoiding his eyes. "I was afraid of what you would think of me. I was afraid of what you would say and what you might try to do to help me. I wanted to tell you but I just couldn't." 

"Donna..." 

"No, Josh. I can't do this again. It's why I asked you not to come. I can't stand here and say I'm sorry because I don't have the words. And I can't say goodbye because I don't have the words for that either." 

"You don't have to leave, Donna. I talked to Leo and ..." 

Donna shook her head and tried to hold the tears back for just a little longer. "Of course I have to leave. I committed perjury, Josh. I certainly can't continue to work for you or the White House. It's over. I have to accept it and so do you." 

"I don't want to accept it." 

"Tough." 

She reached into her oversized purse and removed an envelope that was addressed to him. "I gave the court photocopies, but I wanted you to have it. You need to read it so that you know what they know." 

"You were going to mail it to me." It wasn't a question. The evidence was right there in his hand. 

"The last page, actually the last few pages try to explain what happened and ..." 

"You were just going to leave and not say..." 

"My dad's waiting for me. We have to catch a plane this afternoon." 

She could see his mouth fall open in shock and she had to be strong. This was the only way to do this. If she lingered she might cave and tell him things that she had no business telling him now. It was over. She'd screwed up. And now the best thing to do was to cut the cord as quickly and as painlessly as possible and hope that she didn't bleed out. 

"Today?" 

"It's better this way." 

"For who?" he asked bitterly shoving his hands in his pockets. 

"For me," she said truthfully. But it was better for him too. If she stayed he would continue to try and fix things. And there was no fixing this. In the end, he would resent her for putting him in an unwinable situation. Because Josh always had to win. 

She started down the steps toward her father and Josh stopped her by wrapping his hand around her arm. "I don't think... I mean it can't be over like this, Donna. It just can't. I can't... what am I going to..." 

She smiled at him and reached up to palm his cheek. Her hand was cold she knew, but he pressed it tighter against his face. "I've filed everything alphabetically this time, so my replacement should be able to find what you need. I left all of the take-out menus in your upper left drawer and a clean shirt and tie in the bottom right. Promise me you'll at least try to exercise a few times a week and sleep for more than four hours a night. And don't forget to eat vegetables. You never eat vegetables and it's not good for you." 

He said nothing but squeezed her hand tighter when she tried to pull away. 

"Don't go." 

"I have to." 

"Don't go," he insisted. 

"You'll be fine." She on the other hand was going to be a wreck. But since she screwed up in the first place she figured ... that was justice. 

"I won't." 

"You will." 

"How do you know?" 

"Because you were fine for the thirty plus years before you met me." 

"Was I?" he asked cryptically. 

"I've got to go," she said finally choosing not to answer that question. Quickly, she leaned in and kissed his cheek. "Remember... vegetables." She heard her voice catch and felt the tears running down her cheeks. She turned and sprinted down the steps to where her father was waiting and didn't look back. 

********** 

March 5 

I don't think anyone saw us. Not that we were doing anything wrong it's just that it seemed a little ... intimate. He crashed on the trip to South Carolina and ended up with his head in my lap. I should have nudged him awake but he looked as if he hadn't slept in days. He pushes himself so hard. His conviction is contagious. I find myself wanting to do anything and everything to help him because the more I do for him the more he can do for the Governor. I will not, however, let my heart get involved. I won't make that mistake. I might be tempted just because he's... him. But I want him to take me seriously. I don't want him to think I'm some twit with a crush on him. He's seeing someone anyway. She's evil, but they've been together a while. Not that I care. I don't. If I read that back a few times I might believe it. I don't think anyone saw us. He fell asleep in my lap, no big deal. So what if I stroked his hair a little... I only did it until the wrinkle in his forehead was gone. 

********* 

"Donna!" 

"My name is Denise," his new assistant reminded him... not for the first time. 

"Whatever. Where's the briefing memo on HR-452?" 

"It's not ready yet." 

"Why not?" 

"You told me to get it together this afternoon, it's only 5:30. And I have to pick my daughter up from daycare so I probably won't get to it until tomorrow." 

"What!" Josh struggled to stay calm but he could literally feel his blood pressure rising. "I need that briefing now. It never took Donna more than an hour..." 

"For the last time, my name is Denise Mr. Lyman." 

"Okay, Denise. Forget the memo. In fact forget tomorrow. Go back to your desk and pick up your things and keep walking." 

"Are you firing me?" 

"Sounds a lot like it." 

"Fine. I can finally say this. You're a condescending asshole!" 

She slammed his door on the way out and he winced. "Guess that means I don't have to write you a recommendation." 

A second later the door opened. He figured she was back to apologize, but decided it didn't matter. She was gone. She called him an asshole. Donna never did that. 

Donna. She'd been gone for two months and he still couldn't make it through a day without thinking about her. Without missing her. Eventually this feeling was going to go away. It had to. 

"Josh?" 

He looked up forgetting that someone had opened his door. "Sam. What's up?" 

"You fired another one." 

"Yeah. Get this she called me..." 

"Josh," Sam interrupted him. "You need an assistant. You can't keep firing them." 

"I need an assistant who can actually assist me. These replacements aren't..." 

"No one is going to be Donna, Josh. You've got stop blaming them for not being her and find one you can live with." 

"You're right. I will. The next one... I'll make that work," he said off handedly. Even he didn't believe him. 

"Have you spoken to her?" 

"No." 

"You should call her." 

"I don't think..." 

"Do you even know where she is?" 

"She's living with her father. She's going to school." 

"You know that." 

"I talked to her father after I sent him the money." The very least he could do was pay the fine. 

"I'm surprised he took it." 

Josh smiled remembering the older man's words. "He called it back pay for all the overtime I made her work." 

Sam smiled. "Does Donna know?" 

"She just found out three weeks ago." 

"How do you know?" 

"She started me sending a check. Twenty bucks every week." The first envelope contained a check and a note that said if he didn't cash the checks she would hunt him down and perform the Chinese water torture on him. The second envelope just had the check. It didn't matter. It was from her and in his mind it meant they still had a connection. 

"You should call her," Sam said again. "There's no reason why guys can't stay in touch." 

Yes, there was. Because hearing her voice, and listening to her laugh would just make things worse when he came in to the office the next morning and she wasn't there. No. She had the right idea. The best thing for both of them was just to quit cold turkey and move on with their lives. 

He would start tomorrow. And then he realized he didn't believe that either. 


	2. Comeback 2

 

**Comeback**

**by: Dee**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, AU, Angst  
**Rating:** MATURE  
**Summary:** The premise is Donna never went to Josh for help after she lied to Cliff about the diary.  
**Written:** 4th Sept 03 

* * *

_January 28_

I was like a princess... no, no better than that I was like a... strong self confident woman... in a really cool dress. The balls were beyond anything I could imagine. And the best part was that I felt as if I really belonged. Josh did that. He kept pulling me out on the dance floor and swinging me around. He drank too much, but this time I wouldn't stop him because he was too much of a goofball and we all got a kick out of laughing at him. 

I don't think I've ever felt this good about myself or my future. Josh and I are a team. I anticipate him. In the beginning I think it used to freak him out, but now he just accepts it. And I accept that he's difficult, challenging, sometimes moody, sometimes arrogant but usually with good cause to be and ... he needs me. Tom never needed me. He just used me. It makes all the difference in the world. Tomorrow we go to work in our new office. I'm so excited I know I won't sleep. My plan was to get there before him, set his office up with a sense of order at least to start with before he can turn it into chaos. I think I'll shower and change and go now. No point in even trying to sleep. I'm guessing he'll be there already. 

"Yes, Ms. Moss." 

"It was the Lend Lease Act." 

"That's correct," the professor nodded. 

"Roosevelt said if your neighbor's house is on fire than you don't haggle over the price of the hose," Donna added the words almost unconsciously. They came back to her in a flash and she remembered the precise moment Josh had taught her that fact. 

The Mexico bail out. Suddenly the words to the Wells Fargo song were in her head and she couldn't shake them loose. She desperately wanted to shake them loose. 

"That is what he said." 

But Donna wasn't listening to him anymore. He was gone. Her classmates were gone. There was just Josh smiling at her as she handed him back his textbook. When she looked down at her notes, she realized they were blurry. 

"You okay?" 

Donna looked up through tear filled eyes to see her neighbor handing her a tissue. The girl looked so young and Donna wondered exactly when she had become so old. 

"Thanks." 

"That's all for today. I expect your papers on my desk before the start of class on Thursday." 

Students stood and started heading out. Donna took a moment to gather herself together before she left. Her tissue-wielding neighbor waited for her and handed her an extra tissue. 

"Just in case." 

"Thanks." 

"I'm Molly." 

"Donna." 

"You seem to know all this stuff already. Is this your second time through Modern American History?" 

"No, I just ... used to know someone who was always teaching me about this stuff." 

The younger girl nodded. "So what's your major?" 

Donna laughed. She was twenty-eight years old and she was still being asked what her major was. "History but I'm minoring in education. I want to be a teacher." Something she didn't know was even possible with a criminal record, but she figured she would worry about that bridge when she got to it. 

"You do your student teaching stint yet?" 

"No. Next semester why?" 

"I'm just warning you, you might not want to be a teacher after that. I did it, and I had to come back here and like refigure out my whole life once I realized I hated it." 

"Well, this is sort of a second life for me already so I guess I'm stuck with it." 

"Okay. Good luck." 

Then something occurred to Donna. "Hey, did you vote?" 

"Is that today?" 

"The presidential election... yes it is." 

"Oh. God. I like totally forgot." 

"You should vote. It's important." 

"Who is running? I mean I know the president but who is the other guy?" 

Donna smiled. "Don't worry about the other guy. The President needs your support." 

This made Molly's eyes wide. "Really?" she asked with a hint of reverence as if she'd been asked to serve her country. 

But Donna supposed in a way she had. "Really. Do you live on campus or are you a commuter?" 

"Commuter." 

"Then you're probably registered at home. You should go to your polling place and vote. It's really important." 

"Okay." 

Well, Donna thought. That's one. Or make that two. Hers and Molly's. Dad was actually voting for the other guy just out of spite. 

"See you on Thursday and thanks for the tissues." 

"No problem. Is it a guy?" 

"Yeah," Donna admitted. "It was a guy." 

"Been there," Molly commiserated. 

Donna smiled and tried to push Josh from her thoughts, but gave up when she realized that today of all days that wasn't going to be possible. For the most part she'd done as much as she could to avoid the coverage of the campaign for fear of dredging up a past she was desperately trying to forget. She remembered wanting to forget the days after her mother died, she remembered wanting to forget that she had ever dated Tom. 

But this was a past she wanted to forget because she'd been so damn happy. She didn't want to think that the days behind her were going to be the best days of her life. She wanted to be excited about the future. 

So she only tuned in to the debates so she could listen to the President. He always kicked butt and it always made her misty eyed when she saw him. When they were in Minnesota she went to a rally and was careful to stay out of site of everyone. But she had to be there. She had to hold up her sign and shout out Bartlet for America one more time. 

But then she thought she spotted Josh at one point moving behind the stage and she left. Seeing him would have been too painful. Talking to him would have been even worse. 

That night he called and told her father he was in town, but she had her father tell him she was out. 

It was for the best. She'd started on a new path and she needed to be happy about it. Seeing him would have just made her long for something she couldn't have. 

But she couldn't stop herself from wondering how he was, how he looked. She read a blurb in the Post that he was seeing Amy Gardner, at least she attended some dinner with him but that was several months ago. Donna doubted he was still seeing her. Unless she was part of the campaign, she couldn't imagine him trying to have a relationship and get the president re-elected at the same time. Josh wasn't very good at relationships in the best of circumstances and the campaign trail was the worst of circumstances. 

But she wasn't going to think about that. At least not after tonight. Tonight, however, was election night and there was no getting around the past. 

After work at the restaurant, Donna raced up the stairs to the condo she shared with her father. She headed for the TV without bothering to take off her coat and gloves. "Any numbers yet?" 

Her father was seated in his recliner with a scowl on his face. "Your guy is winning." 

"Yes!" Donna shouted lifting her fist in the air. 

"I don't see how you can support that man. Because of his lies you had to testify and..." 

"Dad, President Bartlet didn't make me lie. Neither did Josh. I made that mistake all by myself." 

She shucked off her coat, hat and gloves and scanned the crowd that was assembled at the hall in Manchester where the President was waiting for the results. 

She didn't want to ask, but she had to. "Have you seen him?" 

"Once. He looks like death warmed over." 

"Don't tell me that." 

"Sorry, baby, it's the truth." 

"Maybe you just saw him at a bad angle." 

"He was being interviewed by that George Stepha stepha.. you know the Greek guy." 

"Maybe it was bad lighting." 

"Okay." 

"And he probably hasn't slept in days. The last time..." Donna cut herself off immediately. This was exactly what she didn't want to do. The last time was the last time. It was over and the campaign trail wasn't part of her life anymore. It never would be again. 

"It's pretty sewn up. He just won Florida. I'm going to bed. I'll see you in the morning." Her father kissed her on the forehead and Donna knew he was just giving her the space she needed so she could watch without having to hide her emotions. 

"Thanks, Dad. I love you." 

"Right back at you, baby." He headed for the stairs that led to his upstairs bedroom and stopped. "You know he didn't look that bad the last time. I remember because I watched every minute last time looking for you. He definitely didn't look that bad and it was because he had you there to take care of him." 

Donna said nothing but turned back to the TV. 

"Sometimes, I think he lost as much as you did." 

Donna shook her head. "I'm sure he's fine, Dad. It was probably just the lights." She watched as the President took the podium and she felt her heart lurch when she saw him. She always saw him first. He was saying something to Sam. Sam was beaming and patting Josh on the back. CJ was hugging Toby and she could spot Connie in the way way back whispering something to Doug. 

God she missed them. She missed them all. 

"Citizens of America... thank you," the President began. 

Donna again felt the tears well up. She tried to listen to what he was saying, but she couldn't stop staring at Josh. Her father was right. He didn't look good. He seemed pale and gaunt. She knew he wasn't eating his vegetables. 

After a few hours of more coverage, hoping for another interview or a replay of the old one, she gave up and headed for bed. Halfway there the phone rang and she stopped dead in her tracks. 

It couldn't be. 

Gingerly, she picked up the receiver. "Hello." 

There was silence on the other end of the line. That's when she knew for sure who it was. "Josh I know it's you." 

"How?" 

"Because..." she just did. 

"We won." 

"I saw." 

"Did you vote?" 

"Of course I did. I also put together a get out the vote club on campus. Made sure everyone over 18 knew how to register and held a fund raising dinner at the bar where I work where over half the money was sent to the Bartlet for America campaign." 

"Good girl." 

Donna smiled at the praise. "It was only a check for a thousand bucks." 

"Yeah but I think it was that thousand that put us over the top." 

She laughed and heard him laugh too. 

"We won, Donna. You know what this means?" 

"A second term." 

"It means no more elections. No more holding back. It means we get to set the agenda the way we want to." 

"Republicans still control the House, Josh. You're getting a little ahead of yourself." 

"I can take the House." 

"I don't doubt that you think you can." 

"It also means we don't have to worry half so much about what the press might say..." 

"Don't, Josh," she warned him knowing before he did where he was going with this call. 

"Come back." 

"Josh..." 

"Come back. There's no reason you can't. Hell, the press basically took your side after you left saying you'd been put in a bad situation and as normal it was the innocents that got burned in politics." 

"I know. I read the articles. But it wasn't true. I wasn't innocent. I lied. I had to pay the consequences." 

"So you paid your debt." 

"No, you paid my dept." 

"Yeah, but you've already paid me back most of it." 

"Josh I've paid you nine hundred dollars out of the fifteen thousand dollars that I owe you." 

"Okay, so maybe not most of it. I give your money away to homeless people by the way." 

"Okay." 

"You could write a note every once and a while... when you send it." 

This made her feel guilty. "I think about it... sometimes I even start ... but ..." 

"Okay, okay. Forget the notes. I probably wouldn't be able to decipher them anyway. Just come back." 

"I can't come back, Josh. I have a life. I have school. I start student teaching next month." 

"You're going to be a teacher?" 

"Yes," she whispered then before she could stop herself asked, "What do you think?" 

"I think I want you to come back." 

"Josh..." 

"I think you would make an amazing teacher," he told her. 

"Thanks. I saw you on TV." 

"Yeah?" 

"You're not eating your vegetables, Josh." 

He chuckled again and the sound made her spine tingle. "I'll have to call your assistant and tell her..." 

"Him. His name is Peter and he's got the personality of a slug. But he's the only one who has proven resistant to my temper. He won't quit and he hasn't done anything yet for me to fire him." 

"That's good... I guess." 

"I hate him." 

"Give him a chance." 

"Or I know... you could come back." 

"Josh," Donna sighed. "I can sense that you are one step away from turning into persistent Josh instead of just regular old annoying Josh and I promise you that when you do I'm hanging up the phone." 

"Kay." 

"Tell me how everyone is." 

"Everyone's good. Everyone misses you. Or mostly they miss you keeping me in line. I've pissed off a number of moderates and there are two democratic senators who refuse to even take my call. Leo's ready to fire me." 

"He would not fire you." 

"I know. But he did give me the green light to call you and ask you to..." 

"No." 

"Kay.... How's your Dad?" 

"He's good. The practice is good. My teeth are cleaner than ever." 

"You seeing anyone?" 

That was a little bit out of left field. She felt her face flush. "No." 

"No gomers in Madison huh?" 

"There's plenty of them, they're just twenty-two. What about you? I saw you finally got a date with Amy Gardner. I always knew you had a thing for her." 

"I didn't have a thing for her, I just wanted to see if it was true that she didn't wear a bra." 

"And does she?" 

"No. But that's over. The campaign... you know." 

"Yeah. Maybe you could get back together." 

"I think her fiancé might have a problem with that. It wasn't serious... I was just trying to... whatever." 

"Okay." 

There was silence and Donna figured it was a good time to end the conversation, but the thought of putting down the phone made her chest ache. 

"Come back." 

"No." 

"Please? I'll be different, Donna I promise. I'll be organized and patient and I'll never raise my voice." 

"Josh." 

"Yeah?" 

"I'm not falling for it. You can uncross your fingers." 

"See, that's why I need you to come back. I did have my fingers crossed." 

She laughed again and felt the past eleven months slip away as if they had never happened. As if she hadn't been separated from him for more than an hour. "I can't come back, Josh. I wish I could, but ... I can't. Did you read the diary?" She figured he would have understood better if he had. 

"I can't. I start to read it and then I can't. And it doesn't matter now. They can't touch him." 

"It's just I tried to explain some things...why I did what I did and ..." 

"Forget it. Forget what happened. It's all in the past. Come back." 

She was starting to become tempted which was a very bad sign. "I can't. Tell everyone I love them and I miss them. Tell the President he was wonderful tonight..." 

"Donna please don't hang up this phone." 

"Kiss Leo for me and tell Margaret that I like her as a blonde." 

"Donna wait. Don't go yet, just wait..." 

"I can't," she whispered feeling the tears come. "I have this life now, Josh. I'm going to teach and try to be happy and ... you should have read it. I think you would have understood if you had. I've got to go." She placed the receiver down before he could stop her. Then, because she knew him, she unplugged the phone from the wall. He would be calling back and she didn't want her father to hear the phone ringing all night. 

The next morning there were twenty-two messages on her machine. They all said essentially the same thing. 

"Come back." 


	3. Comeback 3

 

**Comeback**

**by: Dee**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, AU, Angst  
**Rating:** MATURE  
**Summary:** The premise is Donna never went to Josh for help after she lied to Cliff about the diary.  
**Written:** 4th Sept 03 

* * *

_November 11_

He snores. I knew that from before when he used to crash on my shoulder or on my lap on the campaign bus, but when he's drunk he snores louder. He's on my couch right now sleeping off what I have no doubt is little more than three drinks. He lost a battle on the Hill today. It drives him crazy to lose. It drives me a little crazy too. It's probably presumptuous on my part but I feel as if I play a role in every success and every failure that he has. If I'd done more research, if I had prepared him better...maybe. He'd probably laugh at that. Or maybe he wouldn't. I wonder if he knows or appreciates all the little things I do to help. It doesn't matter. I know. I know that I contribute to him doing his job better, which in turns means I'm contributing in all his successes. So I really hate it when we lose. 

The pounding on the door was penetrating right through his skull. 

"Go away," he managed. 

"Come on, Josh we're heading back to DC in two hours," Sam called to him from the other end of the door. 

Josh managed to roll from the bed and shuffle his way to the door. He opened it and shuffled his way back to the chair that sat across from the fireplace. He sank into it and groaned as he tried to count exactly how many little bottles he'd drank out of the mini-fridge. 

Sam walked into the room, spotted the bottles on the bed stand and immediately assessed the situation. 

"You called her." 

"Yep." 

"She's not coming back." 

"Nope." 

Sam sighed. He couldn't say he wasn't a little disappointed himself. Not only did he miss Donna, he missed Josh and Donna. He missed who Josh used to be when she was around. His laughter was diminished. His thrill for the job was lacking, and he was more stressed than Sam could ever remember him being. 

"I'm sorry." 

"Yeah, well she's got a life." 

"So you just sat here getting drunk and feeling sorry for yourself?" Sam looked at Josh's hung over expression. "I guess so. You know this doesn't have to be the end." 

"Yes, it does. It's over. She's gone and I have to accept it." 

"Why do you want her back?" 

"Is this a trick question?" 

"I'm serious," Sam said. "Why do you want her back?" 

"Because...the job isn't the same. I can't get anything done in the time I used to be able to do it. Peter is useless. Nothing is running with any kind of efficiency..." 

"Josh, you can fix that by working with Peter instead of against him. Answer the question. Why do you want Donna back?" 

"I don't know," he hedged. "I just do. Not that it matters anymore. She's gone for good." 

"Yes, she's gone as your assistant, but that doesn't mean she has to be gone from your life. Leo told us that we all have to take at least one week's vacation this year. Why don't you take some time and go see her in Madison?" 

Josh raised an eyebrow at that. "Why?" 

"To see her." 

"What would we do?" 

Sam shook his head and smiled. "I don't know. Hang out, take her to dinner, maybe if things progress you could have sex with her." 

"Sex! With Donna!" Josh shouted then groaned when it hurt his head. 

"Don't tell me you've never thought about having sex with Donna." 

"I've never." 

"Josh." 

"I haven't," he insisted. "I turned all those... feelings... off. She was my assistant. That's all I let her be." 

"Well, now she's not. So maybe you could turn those...feelings...on." 

"Sex with Donna?" 

"I would start with kissing." 

"Kissing Donna?" If it was possible Josh was even more freaked out by that idea. "You think ... I mean you think she would... you know... want to do that stuff with me?" 

"I think that for as much as you think you know Donna, you never really knew her at all. You should read her diary." 

"I can't," Josh mumbled cursing the damn diary that took her away from him. 

"But you carry it with you?" 

"How do you know that?" 

Sam pointed to the still half packed suitcase on the floor. The diary was exposed under a pair of boxers. 

Josh said nothing, and Sam didn't push. "Just think about visiting her," he said. "And take a shower. We're leaving soon." 

When they got back to DC Josh reached for the phone a hundred times to call her and say he was planning on visiting. And a hundred times he put down the phone, cursing himself for being an emotional idiot. 

Then something miraculous happened. He got her check and this time there was a note. It said that he shouldn't piss off people in the House because the administration needed to pass the new education- spending bill. 

The following week a note came citing a statistic on the failing academic standards of children in low income homes and asked him what he was going to do about it. 

The next week the note reminded him that he should be eating his vegetables. 

And that's when he got it. When he raced home each Thursday with his heart beating heavy in his chest and his fingers almost shaking with anticipation at each two sentence note that she deemed to write and send along with her ridiculous twenty dollar check, that's when he understood that he didn't want Donna to come back to be his assistant. 

He just wanted her to come back. 

***** April 7 

I think he's dating Joey. He hasn't said anything but there is definitely something there. Could he be dating her and I not know it? Doubtful. He's not that smooth. Not that I care. I don't. I've got a date this weekend that I'm looking forward to, the first one in a long time and I think that's good. I think maybe we spend too much time together. We have a tendency to slip into this ... thing. It's not the most professional behavior and I don't want people to get the wrong impression. I gave him the Madison and he got snippy with me. I shouldn't have told him I wait for him by the window. I sounded pathetic. At least the Madison was good. I know my history. 

****** "Okay, here's the drill. Touch anything and the Secret Service will have you arrested." 

"That's not true, Ms. Moss. Is it Mrs. Hanson?" 

Ellie Hanson looked to Donna and smiled. "I don't know kids, Ms. Moss did work for the White House. She would no better than I would." 

"Wander off into a hallway unattended and the Secret Service..." 

"Will have us arrested," Brian repeated. "I still think you're putting us on." He was thirteen; he wasn't a total moron. 

Donna bit on her lip to keep from smiling. Brian was one of her favorites. Not that she had favorites. She loved all twenty-three students equally. Brian just had that little something extra. "Do you really want to find out if I'm wrong?" 

They all agreed they didn't. Donna had arranged the special tour for her class. She was still just a student teacher, but she was thankful that Molly's predictions hadn't come true. After four months she was still in love with job. And she had teenagers. 

Ellie had already planned this trip to DC for the class and four parent chaperones and Donna was glad that she was able to contribute. She'd just had to call in a few favors. "Donna!" 

Sam was walking through the lobby when he spotted her. He ran over and hugged her and she felt tears swim in her eyes. "Sam," she whispered. 

"It's good to see you." 

"You too." 

"Does he know you're here?" 

"Not yet." 

"He's been looking forward to this." 

"Showing a class of thirteen year olds around the White House? Certainly not my Josh." 

Sam chuckled. "I'll get them started. Why don't you go back to his office and get him?" 

"Okay. But Sam... don't try to actually teach them anything." 

"No, it's okay. I read a book. I'm much better at this stuff. I can show them the Roosevelt room... that was named after Theodore, not Franklin." 

"Ellie this is..." 

"Sam Seaborn the Deputy Communications Director. Wow! It's an honor." Ellie shook his hand enthusiastically. 

"See," Sam said to Donna. "I'm already a hit. Okay kids follow me." 

Donna wandered back towards Josh's office taking tentative steps. It felt strange to be back. Almost as if she didn't deserve to be here anymore. At the same time she could smell the familiar scent of the old walls, watch the rush of people, many of them new faces, walking by at lightening speed, and it was as if she never left. 

She walked up to her old desk, which was a havoc of papers. Peter needed some folders to help keep things organized. She might suggest that. 

He was a tall lanky fellow with dark hair and dark glasses. He was on the phone with a staffer she was sure because he was all attitude. 

"Tell your boss he'll take the one o'clock and he'll like it." 

He hung up the phone and Donna could only hope that he hadn't just hung up on a key vote. But that wasn't her business anymore. 

"Can I help you?" 

"I'm here to see Josh." 

"And you are?" 

"Just tell him Donna is here. He's expecting me." 

The lanky one stood and sneered at her. "You're Donna? You're not the Donna are you?" 

"The Donna?" 

"The Donna who did everything right. The Donna who knew how to type a briefing memo. The Donna who got everything done in lightening speed with the grace of a gazelle." 

"A gazelle, huh?" Josh was never one for poetry but that was sort of sweet. 

"Don't take this the wrong way. But I hate you." 

"Okay. Don't take this wrong way, but you need some folders." 

"He's in his office." 

"Thanks." 

Donna walked over to his door and leaned on the doorframe. He was bent over his desk reading something. She wondered if he realized that he was bent over more than usual. 

"You need reading glasses," she announced. 

He jerked his head up at the sound of her voice and stared at her as if she were a ghost. 

His concentrated stare made her a little nervous and she found herself fighting the urge to twist her hands into a knot. Instead she folded them over her chest. "You know glasses can make the words bigger so you don't have to squint or lean down so far." 

"I don't need reading glasses... I just need to make the desk higher." 

She smiled and he finally got up and moved towards her. She wasn't quite sure what was supposed to happen next, but then his arms were around her and he was hugging her tightly. 

"What are you doing?" she asked thinking he never hugged her first. 

"I'm hugging you." 

"I see that." 

"Hug me back," he told her. 

And she did. She wrapped her hands around his waist and held on while her face cradled into the space between his neck and shoulder. She didn't know how long she stood there wrapped in his arms, taking in his scent and the feel of him, but he wasn't letting go so she wasn't letting go either. 

"I missed you." 

"You talked to me last week," she reminded him. A few weeks after she started sending notes with her checks, he had begun calling her with replies until they had fallen into a regular weekly routine without either of them realizing it. 

They talked every Thursday night. Sometimes about his work. Sometimes about hers. Sometimes about nothing. 

It was nice. 

"Yeah but I haven't actually seen you in ..." 

"A year and half." 

When she said it they both backed away from each other almost if they couldn't believe that number was correct. "Your hair is shorter." 

"You're too skinny." 

"You look beautiful." 

"So do you." 

"Yeah, well," he smirked. "I keep up with my facials." 

"Come on, the kids want to meet you. And Mrs. Applewhite really wants to meet you." 

"Mrs. Applewhite?" 

"She's one of the chaperones. She's got a little bit of crush on you." 

"Then I better put my suit coat on. Wouldn't want to disappoint the fans." 

She waited for him while he circled his desk and grabbed his coat. Watching him she found herself with strangest desire to hold his hand. But that was silly. 

Except when he met her at the door they looked at each other almost as if they were trying to absorb the appearance of the other. Then he hugged her again. 

"Josh you're hugging me again." 

"Yeah." 

"Okay." 

She hugged him back but pulled away when she heard Peter mumbling, "Maybe that's what I need to do to get him to like me." 

"The kids," she reminded him. 

"Right. Seventh graders. I'm ready." 

"And be nice." They started to walk through the halls and she wasn't surprised that they still had their rhythm and timing. 

"I'm always nice." 

"No I mean nicer. These aren't high school kids, Josh. They're much more sensitive." 

"Right. Sensitive. I can do that." 

"You so can't do that. But I'm willing to take the risk if it means they get to see more of the White House." 

"So how long are you staying?" 

"We're leaving tomorrow." 

That stopped him. "Tomorrow?" 

"We couldn't afford too many nights in the hotel. We got in last night, and we're leaving tomorrow." 

"Can I see you tonight?" 

"I sort of have the kids... they have to eat, and then we need to get them in their rooms and make sure they stay in their rooms." 

"Oh." 

She was desperately trying to figure out what his expression meant, when the group caught up to them. "Hey," he said waving to them. He saw a plump elderly woman in the back giggle and blush. No doubt Mrs. Applewhite. 

"Everyone, this is Mr. Lyman." 

"Hello, Mr. Lyman," they responded in unison. 

He gulped and Donna had to laugh. "There's nothing to be nervous about," she whispered to him. 

"I'm not nervous." 

"You're nervous. But there's really no reason why... after all they are thirteen and you have the emotional maturity of a thirteen year old... you should all have a lot in common." 

"I knew there was a reason why I missed you," he whispered back. "Okay... kids. Follow me." 

She watched him lead the pack through the halls she knew so well and thought there was a very good reason why she missed him so much too. 


	4. Comeback 4

 

**Comeback**

**by: Dee**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, AU, Angst  
**Rating:** MATURE  
**Summary:** The premise is Donna never went to Josh for help after she lied to Cliff about the diary.  
**Written:** 4th Sept 03 

* * *

_June 11_

It's the first time I've been able to write since IT happened. I still don't think I'm ready to think about yet alone record what I felt when Toby told me. Things right now are difficult. He's struggling against the pain and I find myself struggling against the fact that he's in pain. We're leaving the hospital tomorrow. I'll be staying with him for the duration. He's not protesting the fact that he needs help, which probably should make me happy but is so un-Josh makes me sad. Nothing is going to be the same after this. I've accepted that. And I'm ready for whatever lies ahead. I whispered the truth to him when he was asleep. I like to think it's one of the reason's he woke up. 

"Today was great. Thank you for that Donna. The kids will never forget it. Imagine getting to actually see the President. And he was wonderful." They were sitting in their hotel room; the kids for the most part were asleep except for the girls who would no doubt chatter until dawn. It was just a little after eleven and Ellie was changing into her pajamas. 

"He loves kids." Donna hadn't wanted Josh to disturb the president. Mostly because she hadn't wanted to see him. She still had a hard time coming to grips with what she'd done and the stigma that she lived with as a result. It just didn't seem right for the president to hug and kiss and welcome back a felon. But he had. He'd told her that what happened was wrong, and that he was sorry he ever put her in that situation in the first place, and sorrier still that she left. 

She cried a little and told him that it was okay because she was shaping the future of America. He told her she was going to be an amazing teacher. 

Then he'd done his thing for the kids, quizzed them a little, teased them a little, and made sure they all got pens. It was a great day. 

"I can't imagine how you left all... oh, Donna I'm sorry. Sometimes I forget." 

"That I had to resign in disgrace for being convicted of perjury.... I can see where that would be easy to forget." 

"It's just that no one thinks of you like that. I can't even comprehend how it could have happened. You're not a dishonest person, Donna." 

"I lied to Congress about a diary I didn't want them to have. It was dishonest enough." 

"I don't suppose you ever told anyone why you lied." 

Donna looked to her mentor and smiled in away that politely but firmly said to drop it. 

"Not even him?" 

"Who him?" 

Ellie snorted. "Who him. The him that couldn't take his eyes off you. The him you couldn't take your eyes off. The him who is very obviously in lo..." 

"Don't say that. Josh and I are friends. That's it. There was never anything between us." 

"Maybe there wasn't then, but there is now. Donna I'm an old woman compared to you but I'm not that old. I know the real stuff when I see it and I see it with you two." 

"I live in Madison. His life is in DC." 

"You live in Madison until school ends which for you is this May. You can teach anywhere." 

Donna glanced over at Ellie. "You really saw something?" 

"You didn't?" 

There were those two hugs in the beginning and the one at the end. She knew what she felt, but figuring out what Josh felt was something that she had given up on long before she lied about the diary. Actually two months before she lied about the diary. Which is why she'd gone out with Cliff in the first place. 

"Ugh!" she cried falling back on the bed. "I've spent two years trying to get over him, Ellie and now you're saying..." 

"I'm not saying anything. Only that if you've been trying to get over him, you haven't done a very good job. You should call him. It's not too late. You can have drinks or coffee and just talk about it." 

"Josh doesn't talk about stuff like this. It mostly gives him hives." 

"So he'll scratch for a few days." 

Knowing she was fighting a losing battle, Donna bounced off the bed and gathered her purse and coat. 

"Don't you have to call him first?" 

"It's only after eleven. I know where he is." 

Christmas 

He's sleeping now. That's good. He couldn't for a while. In the end he let me stroke his brow until he nodded off. He didn't want to go the doctor. He had his I'm tough and I don't need a doctor face on. If I didn't know that face so well, I might have let him get away with it. But I do know it. I know all of his faces. 

"Hey," she said from the doorway. The office was quite, but Burt recognized her and let her past security to his office. 

Like before his head popped up at the sound of her voice. It was disconcerting he realized to have her here. It made him think that the past year and a half hadn't happened. That nothing had changed. 

But it had. 

"Hey. You said..." 

"The kids were asleep. I made the cab stop by an all night supermarket so I could make you a salad." 

"I hate salad." 

She put the container down in front of him. "I made it with broccoli and tomatoes and carrots and the little corns. You like the little corns." 

"In Chinese food." 

"Eat the salad, Josh. Make me happy." 

"That's all I have to do to make you happy. You're easy to please." 

"I never said I was complicated." 

"What are you doing here?" 

Uh oh. Maybe he really didn't want her here. "I just came to bring you the salad. If you're busy I can go." 

"No, no," he stopped her. "I'm glad you're here. Glad you changed your mind." 

She sat down across from him. "What are you working on?" 

"I'm prepping for HR-651." 

She shook her head. "I don't know the numbers anymore." 

"It's a water conservation package. The Northeast has been having drought problems lately and this is sort of an incentive package to conserve water year round." 

"We're for it." 

"Actually..." 

"Josh! How can you not be for water conservation?" 

"When it's a lopsided bill that only affects a few states and is loaded with pork." 

"Oh." 

"We have a counter bill we're sending to the Senate." 

"Okay then. You're meeting with Randall?" 

"Yeah, how did you know?" 

"Randall was always the front man on water. Make sure you take him to dinner. You know if you meet him in his office you'll get confrontational and then he'll dig in his heels. Take him to dinner feed him a few drinks and he's much more open to suggestion and you are less hostile once you've eaten." 

"Please come back." 

Donna smiled and opened his salad container so she could swipe a baby corn. "Peter can learn these things, Josh. He just needs some folders." 

"You're right," he said internally cursing himself. "I don't want you back as an assistant." 

"You don't?" There was no reason why this should upset her. Except that it did. 

He saw her face and shook his head. "No. I mean if you wanted to come back you could. I would love to have you back, but ... no I wouldn't." 

"Josh you're not making any sense." 

"It's just that back then you were my assistant." 

"Yes." 

"And now you're not." 

"Right." 

"And we talk every Thursday." 

He was losing her. "We do." 

"We didn't used to talk on Thursdays... before." 

"We used to talk every day." 

"But not at night." 

"Josh we worked together almost every night." 

"But it was different," he said getting agitated, wishing she would get it so he didn't have to say it. "Don't you think it was different?" 

"Different how?" She was thinking that she would like him to spell it out and that she really should have picked up some calamine lotion while she was at the grocery store. 

He started to stutter. Stuttering wasn't a good sign. She saw him reach for his palm and start scratching and knew this conversation was doomed. 

"Different because... you're there and I'm here... but we're still and I haven't seen you in over a year, but you're still... and I think I want something different... and ...did my mother call you?" 

"Yes. That was very tricky, Josh." 

"I thought for sure..." 

"That I would succumb to your mother's guilt more than yours?" 

"Yes." 

"I'm not coming back to be your assistant, Josh." 

"I got that." 

"I'm going to be a teacher," she said firmly. 

"I know. The kids really love you. I could tell." 

"I'm good at it. And I think that maybe I could also teach band. I used to be very good at band." 

"I don't doubt it." 

There was a pause while she sulked a little and waited for him to say anything that meant anything. Then she stole another baby corn. 

"Why don't you get an extra fork?" 

"I brought two," she said reaching into her pocket. She tore the plastic off both of them and handed him one. 

"I'm not eating the broccoli," he told her. 

And they ate the salad together. When they were done, Donna insisted it was time for him to leave. He put up little resistance and followed her outside. 

"I'll take you back." 

"I can call a cab." 

"I'll take you back." 

"It's totally out of your way. It's all the way in Virginia." 

"Donna!" 

"Josh!" 

They squared off in front of his car. "I'm taking you back." 

"Kay." 

She settled in the passenger seat and wondered when things had become so strained between them. Only it wasn't a bad strain, more like an oh my gosh I think I like him and I think he likes me and maybe I should kiss him strain. 

That wasn't such a bad strain. 

He got in the car and she gave him the directions. They drove in silence until he suddenly popped out with, "You know I hear Wisconsin is really cold in the winter." 

"You're just finding that out now? You weren't the best in geography were you?" 

"I mean really cold, Donna." 

"It is." 

"Virginia, Maryland. They're not nearly as cold." 

"I suppose." 

Okay, that hadn't gone the way he planned. "You know what else they have in Virginia and Maryland and DC even?" 

"What?" 

He breathed deep then finally said screw it. You only got a shot at life once and no one should know that better than he did. "Schools." 

Donna bit her lip. "You know I've heard that." 

"And I think some of them have bands." 

"Hmmm." 

"You know, just in case you didn't want to stay in Madison." 

Donna dropped her head. "You know it's not going to be easy to find a job with my ... record." She still cringed every time she had to say it. "Ellie took me on only after I met with the Board. I could probably get a job in that school district, but anywhere else..." 

"Oh. Yeah. I guess. But you know, I know some people." 

"Who?" 

"The Secretary of the Department of Education." 

Donna laughed. "That's definitely a somebody." 

"Think about it." 

"I will." 

He pulled up in front of the hotel where she was staying and walked her to the lobby. He stopped her before she reached the door and she found herself struggling to control her breathing. 

"Are you going to hug me again?" 

"I was thinking about it." 

"Because you're becoming awfully huggy, Josh. You never used to hug." 

"You did." 

"I always hugged first." 

"I never said, but I kind of liked it." 

"You used to turn red and stammer." 

"Right. I was embarrassed, but I kind of liked it." 

Donna wrapped her arms around his neck and he found himself wanting to inhale her into his body so much so that he had to take a step back. "What time does your plane leave?" 

"We're leaving from National at noon." 

"Be safe." 

"I will." 

"I'll call you Thursday." 

"Kay." 

They continued to stand there. "This... is different," he said. 

"It is." 

"But it's not bad." 

"Nope." 

"Goodnight, Donnatella." 

"Goodnight, Josh." 


	5. Comeback 5

 

**Comeback**

**by: Dee**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, AU, Angst  
**Rating:** MATURE  
**Summary:** The premise is Donna never went to Josh for help after she lied to Cliff about the diary.  
**Written:** 4th Sept 03 

* * *

_February 2_

It's Groundhog's Day. I think he saw his shadow. I also think it's rigged. I struggled in vain to get Josh to ask out Joey. He's such a child when it comes to these things. All he had to do was ask her out. A few words, Joey, go out with me sometime. But he wouldn't do it. It would help if he did. He needs the distraction in his life. He needs to think about something besides work. And I need to think about something besides him. If he was dating someone I think that would be easier to do. I think we might be getting... no, we're fine. He just needs to go out with someone. I'll give him a few days then try again. Our anniversary is tomorrow. I wonder if he'll remember. 

"If you don't stop wandering off, Eric I'm going to make you hold hands." 

"Cool! With Shelly?" 

"With Brian." 

"Oooh gross, he's a boy!" 

"A student teacher has got to do what a student teacher has got to do. This airport is packed and I need to keep my eye on all of you." 

They were on the line to check in at the ticket counter and it had been over thirty minutes already. The natives were starting to get restless and the chaperones were starting to lose their grip. 

"Donna!" 

She turned at the sound of her name to see Josh running towards her. He stopped when he reached her but held up his fingers to ask her to wait while he caught his breath. 

"You know you used to be in much better shape than this," she noted. 

"I ... have... for... you." 

"You have what for me?" Feelings? Love? Passion? 

"A folder." 

Or that. "You came rushing out to the airport to give me a folder?" 

He swung his backpack off his shoulder and opened it. He pulled out the folder and handed it to her. He'd found it on his desk that morning and realized that he'd forgotten to give it to her. And he really wanted to give it to her. He wanted her to understand what it meant. 

"There's stuff inside. I wanted to give it to you yesterday, but I ... well, I just wanted to make sure you had it before you left." 

Donna opened the folder and scanned its contents. They were employment applications for every school district in the Virginia, Maryland and DC area. 

"And see there is a box for extracurricular activities that you would be interested in... I marked off band for you already." 

"Josh," she breathed. "I don't know what to say." 

"I've got more." 

"More applications? Because you've got a lot here." 

"No, I have ... I ... we have to take vacation. Leo's making us." 

"Leo's making you take a vacation?" 

"Yeah, because of the campaign and the stress... I don't know. So I have these five days and I thought that maybe I could come out to Madison and visit... you." 

For a moment she was stunned. But only for a moment. "There are a lot of nice things to see in Madison." 

"I bet." 

"And Green Bay's just a few hours north. You could see Lambeau Field." 

"Okay." 

"And there is the brewery in Milwaukee. And Chicago is not all that far away either." 

"Okay. So, I'll come." 

"Okay," Donna smiled. "You'll come. To Madison. To see me. When?" 

"Uh... How about June?" 

"June's good. I'll be done school so..." 

"You can show me around... the brewery and stuff." 

"Right. The brewery." 

"Okay." He stood there and thought that for the first time since she left he was actually excited about the future. 

"Okay," she repeated. 

"Okay," he said again. 

"Okay." 

"Kay." 

"Josh, we're standing in front of seventh graders and we're setting a really bad example." 

"Right." 

"Are you two going to kiss?" Eric, who'd been watching the whole conversation, wanted to know. 

"I think so," Josh told him. "You okay with that?" 

"Yeah! Hey everyone Ms. Moss is going to get kissed!" 

Suddenly they had an audience. 

"Way to time this, Josh," Donna muttered. "You can't kiss me here. These kids are impressionable." 

Josh smiled until his dimples showed. She didn't stand a chance. She was on one side of the rope and he was on the other, but he leaned in and wrapped a hand around her waist pulling her as close as the rope would allow. "It's okay," he whispered. "I won't use my tongue." 

She felt his lips on hers and felt her heart race with excitement. This was Josh and he was kissing her. Their first kiss. In the middle of an airport with twenty-three seventh graders, four chaperones, a teacher, and everyone else waiting on line at the check in counter, watching them. 

It was perfect. 

He pulled away and smiled. She smiled back. Then they listened to a chorus of Ms. Moss and Mr. Lyman sittin' in a tree... K I S S I N G. 

"Thank you," Donna told the kids. "That's enough." 

Josh just laughed. "Okay, I've got to go... you know..." 

"Run the country." 

"Yeah that. So ..." he walked backwards a few steps, smiling the whole time. "We just kissed." 

"I know I was there." 

"And I'm coming to Madison." 

"And I'm filling out applications in DC," she told him. 

He waved, bumped into a few people, and finally turned around to watch where he was going. 

"Ms. Moss has got a boyfriend," Eric sang. 

She laughed at that and ruffled his hair. "You know what, Eric. I think you may be right." 

******** 

June 15 Josh caught me crying in the basement. He didn't ask. He probably just assumed I was grieving for Mrs. Landingham. And I was. For her, for the President.... for all of us. It's selfish, but sometimes I can't stop it. I can't stop thinking about what might happen. What if this is the end? What if we don't win a second term? There are times I try to imagine life after Josh, but it just won't come. I know he hasn't thought that far into the future. I don't think he has any idea what he's going to do if we lose. Which means he hasn't thought about what I'm going to do either. I need to get a life. It's not the first time I've had this thought but it's never been clearer to me than it is right now. It's probably not fair either. He needs me more than ever now, but ... what if we lose? What if he leaves me? I don't know that I could survive it. I remember what it felt like when I thought he was going to die. I don't think I could go through that again. I need to leave him first. If I think we're going to lose ... if I think we're in trouble... I need to leave him first. It's the only way. 

************* 

"Hey." 

"You're calling me from the office." 

Josh looked around his office in amazement. "How did you know that?" 

"It's the echo. Josh it's after one in the morning. Go home." 

"I am. I will. I just needed to..." 

"Wrap a few things up. You've been saying that for weeks." 

He sighed heavily and loosened his already loosened tie even further. "It's just that things around here are crazy." 

"You're stressed, Josh. I know I recognize the sigh." 

"I guess I am. I thought it would be easier, you know. A second term and we would be free of all the bullshit. We could do what we want, and not care about how it looked. But now I feel as if we're working under this incredible ticking clock." 

"You can't get all things you want done in four years, Josh. You can't get it all done in eight years. All you can do is pick the things you care most about, like increased education spending..." 

"Very smooth." 

"Thank you. And focus on getting that accomplished. You're trying to do too much and in the end it's only going to frustrate you. And a frustrated Josh is not a productive Josh." 

"You're right." 

"This surprises you?" 

He smiled and checked the calendar. "Hey, only two more weeks." 

"And two days," she added. 

"You're counting?" he said smugly into the phone. 

"Stop smiling." 

"You are counting the days. It was that kiss that did it, wasn't it? Put me right over the top." 

"Yes, Josh four years of knowing and working with you, but one plain jane kiss in the airport is what put you over the top." 

"I promise to do better when I see you," he said smoothly. 

"Oh my God that was such a line!" 

"Hey, I'm trying to work my sexy mojo here, Donna." 

"Josh." 

"Yeah?" 

"Don't ever put those two words together again." 

"Kay." 

"I'll talk to you next week when I've finished putting together our itinerary." 

"We need an itinerary." 

"Yes, Josh. No vacation is successful without one." 

"I thought we could just hang out." 

"I've scheduled time for that." 

"Did you schedule time for... you know... other stuff?" 

"That's awfully presumptuous of you, Josh. What makes you think we're going to be doing... other stuff?" 

"Because you're counting the days," he answered her confidently. Then figured since he was beginning what had the potential to be the first really successful relationship in his life and he wanted to prove to her he was actually committed to it, he added. "I'm counting them too." 

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a moment. "You're really getting much better at all of this, Josh." 

"I know, I thought the same thing. I'll see you soon." 

"Okay. And go home!" 

He hung up the phone and smiled, thinking he forgot how nice it was to have her fuss over him. He never really appreciated it before. He was an idiot before. 

He looked at the clock and thought about going home. Then he looked at his desk and the pile of issues that needed to be addressed and thought a few more hours wouldn't kill him. 

******* 

"Okay, Dad I'm going!" Donna called to her father 

"See you when you get back." 

"And you're going to put the turkey in the oven?" 

"In one hour, yes. It's all right there on my list of instructions on the fridge." 

"It's just that if you forget to put in the oven, it won't be anywhere near ready in time and ..." 

Her father came walking down the stairs with a book in his hand. "Donnatella." 

Uh oh. He never used her full name. 

"Yes?" 

"Relax. I'll put the turkey in the oven. You'll get Josh. Then you will come back here and we'll all have a lovely relaxing dinner." 

"You're right." 

"I know. I've never seen you this way, not even over ... whathisname." 

"Dr. Freeride," Donna supplied. 

Her father laughed. "Excellent name for him." 

"You can thank Josh when you see him. And you're going to be nice to him." 

"Yes, yes." 

"And you're not going to mention the past." 

"I promise." 

Donna nodded and took a deep breath. "Okay, I've got to go. His plane is landing in an hour." 

The phone rang and her father said, "I'll get it. You go." 

Donna kissed him on the cheek and started to leave when he stopped her. 

"Hold on, just a second. She's right here." Her father handed her the phone. "It's Josh's mother." 

Instantly, Donna fumed. "Hello, Mrs. Lyman. If he's getting you to call me to tell me that he's going to be late, I just have to say that is really lame...." 

"Donna...stop." 

It was her tone more than her words that silenced her. "What is it?" 

"Leo just called me... Josh is in the hospital." 

For a moment Donna's heart stopped. "What?" 

"He's had a stroke, Donna." 

There was numbness first. Then a sort of black haze that drifted over her eyes. She could hear his mom talking but she wasn't really listening and she had this sudden urge to lie down on the kitchen floor and crawl up into the fetal position. 

"I need you to come as soon as possible." 

That penetrated. "Mrs. Lyman... I don't know if..." 

"I know. I don't know if I can either. But it's not like we have a choice... is it?" 

"No," she said hoarsely. "G dub?" 

"Yes. I'm leaving now for the airport." 

"Okay. I'll see you there." Donna dropped the phone and her father picked it up and placed it back on the table. "He had a stroke." 

"Oh baby." Her father wrapped her in his arms and she held on for dear life. 

"I don't know if I can do this again, Dad. I don't think..." She could feel herself beginning to crumble inside. The numbness was fading and in its place was pain. Just that. Just pain. 

"Donna, listen to me. You can do this." 

"But I ... I don't think I'm strong enough. I almost lost him once and ... I don't think I can..." 

"Do you love him?" 

"I loved him the last time and it didn't..." 

"Donna, do you love him?" 

She nodded. It wasn't really a question. 

"Then that's all that matters. Isn't it?" 

She nodded. 

"Go to your room and pack a bag. I'll call the airline and get some flight information." 

Again she nodded and obediently started to walk back to her room. 

"You'll find the strength, baby. I promise. You won't think that you have enough, but you'll find it. That's what love is all about." 

She made it to her room and started to throw whatever was in her drawers into an overnight bag. It would be warm in DC. Humid. She thought this was a good thing because she could pack more things in one bag, then laughed almost hysterically at the ridiculousness of that thought. 

Her father took her too the airport and bought her the ticket and pointed her in the right direction of the gate otherwise she was afraid she never would have made it. 

She sat on the plane and thought that as soon as she got to National Airport she was going to turn around and get on a plane and go home. Because there was no way she could do this again. There was no way she could face seeing him in a hospital bed again. There was no way she could handle it if he ... 

She would just get a ticket back to Wisconsin. That's all. The plane would land and she would get off and then she would go home. Because she didn't have the strength to do this. 

But when the plane landed she found herself leaving the airport and catching a cab to the hospital. She found herself asking for Josh Lyman at the information desk. She found herself walking down a hallway of white linoleum listening to the sound of her new sandals, sandals that she'd bought especially for his trip, click against the plastic tiles. 

When she spotted his mother coming out of his room, it came to her. She did have the strength. 

Because she loved him that much. 


	6. Comeback 6

 

**Comeback**

**by: Dee**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, AU, Angst  
**Rating:** MATURE  
**Summary:** The premise is Donna never went to Josh for help after she lied to Cliff about the diary.  
**Written:** 4th Sept 03 

_August 9_

Working every night until two sucks! I'm convinced Josh is intent on driving me crazy � it's so his way. And to top it all off Ainsely told me today to be prepared for rumors that might surface about Josh and me. As if! Like after working twenty hour days with him shouting my name, driving me crazy, and making me want to inflict severe physical damage on him that I might even be remotely interested in him sexually. Okay, that might be an overstatement. Not that it matters. He would never think of me that way. And I'm okay with that. No really. I am. 

"They say they won't know the extent of the damage until you wake up, Josh." 

The room was dark. It was late and the sun had gone down without her even being aware of it. She supposed she should turn on the light but she didn't feel like it. For whatever reason Donna found it was easier to deal with all of this in the dark. 

She heard the sound of the machine monitoring his heart. It beeped steadily. The doctors said that was a good thing. 

They'd done a CAT scan and hadn't found a great deal of visible damage. All in all they believe it was a mild stroke. Also a good thing. 

There was just one problem. He was still unconscious after two days. And they wouldn't really know anything for sure until he woke up. 

"Are you listening to me? You need to wake up. I'm not kidding, Josh. Your mother doesn't look well. I finally had to send her home with CJ to get some sleep. Everyone is freaked out and if you don't wake up soon I'm going to... yeah, really nowhere to go with that. Okay. Fine. Sleep. See if I care." 

She tried to get comfortable in the metal chair, an impossible task to be sure, and thought about trying to sleep herself. Maybe, if she could fall asleep she could communicate with him on some dream like level. 

Okay, losing touch with reality. Need to get a grip. It helped to talk. 

"Peter stopped by. He wanted to know how you were. I snapped at him and told him it was all his fault because he didn't make you leave the office at a reasonable hour when you were clearly getting over stressed and he didn't push the vegetables. You never eat enough vegetables, Josh... How many times do I have to tell you? Never mind. He looked really stricken and I felt bad only for a second. Then Sam pulled me off him... oh did I mention that I had tackled him to the ground in the middle of this tirade... I didn't? How about we forget that part. Anyway Sam told him I was just upset. I told Sam to go screw himself." 

She looked to see if there was a reaction to that. There wasn't. His expression was still the same, peaceful, but closed. 

"Yeah, I know. I'm going to apologize tomorrow. CJ told me that things hadn't been the same since I left. Isn't that the truth?" Donna snorted. "I leave and you ... you... I mean you just let yourself get run down to hell. I'm so mad at you right now I can barely even talk to you. I'm not your mother, Josh. You are a grown man, you should have known better. You should have been eating right and exercising and checking your blood pressure. The doctors warned you about that. They told you after you left the hospital the last time that you were always going to have to monitor it and you just ..." 

She stopped herself when she realized she was shouting. Again, she checked him for a reaction. Nothing. 

"You know who I really blame... Ainsley. This is all her fault. If she hadn't told me about the rumors it wouldn't have occurred to me to be worried about appearances. Which is why when she told me about Cliff, I though it might actually be a good idea. Can I just say ... Cliff... not such a good idea." 

Donna twisted and turned and crossed her legs and uncrossed them. "I should have told you. I mean, I shouldn't have lied that's a given, but I don't regret that as much as not telling you. I thought about it. But then I would imagine your expression, and I imagined it about five times worse than the one you gave me when I told you about Cliff in the first place, and I couldn't do it. So I had to go and because I did, because there was no one there to watch out for you ..." 

She felt the tears come and covered her face with her hands. "It's my fault. I'm the one to blame," she whimpered thinking that she didn't know if she could bear it. 

"Dah...." 

She whipped her head towards him at the faint sound. "Josh?" 

"Dah..." he repeated and blinked his eyes. 

She stood up next to him and reached for his hand. She could feel him squeeze and thought that was a very good sign. "That's it Josh. Wake up." 

"Dah..." he sighed and turned his head so he could see her. He squeezed her hand again and she squeezed it back. 

She could see him. He was there. He was all there in his eyes. He'd come back to her. 

"So you're saying his speech will improve beyond this?" Josh's mother asked. "It's been two days and he's still having ... difficulty." 

"It will improve. In time, with therapy," the doctor told them. "He's actually very lucky. His fine motor skills on his left hand will need a little work, as well as some physical therapy for his left leg. Other than his speech, there was very little damage. And like I said that can be improved with therapy." 

His mother looked at me and I nodded. The doctor didn't get it. Josh would rather have lost the use of his left arm than his ability to speak easily. Talking was his life. 

"I'm going to recommend that he be released tomorrow. And I'll give you the names of the therapists, both physical and speech that he'll need to work with." 

"Thank you doctor." 

He left and we stared at the closed hospital door. "I'll go first today," his mother volunteered. 

"You went first yesterday," Donna reminded her. "I'll go first today. Tire him out a bit for you." 

"He's going to get better, Donna." 

"I know." 

"I mean he can't spend the rest of his life in a mood like this." 

"No. Not the rest of his life." 

"If he doesn't get better soon, I'm going to have to consider spanking him." 

This made Donna smile. "I'll hold him down for you." 

"That's probably the problem. I never spanked him as a child. Noah and I didn't believe in it. Now look at him." 

"I'll go in first. I'll wear him down. Then you two can have a nice visit." 

"I'm going to get something to eat. Good luck." 

Donna nodded courageously and walked into the room. 

"Go." 

"Nope. You're stuck with me yet again," she said cheerfully trying not to care that since he had regained consciousness he wouldn't look at her. Instead he chose to stare moodily out the window of his private room. "The doctor is going to spring you tomorrow." 

He said nothing in response to that. 

"You're mom and I talked it over. Well, actually we flipped a coin and I lost so I'm going to stay with you until you're back on your feet." 

"Nnno." 

Patience, she told herself. "Josh, we've done this before remember. It will be like old times. I'll nag you and push you. You'll curse and swear at me. You'll get better and I'll have the satisfaction of being able to be the boss of you for a little while." 

"Ggo. Go." 

"You know there was a time when you insisted that I come back and now you want me to leave. It's very wishy washy of you." 

"Dah... no...want...yuh." 

He didn't mean it. He didn't mean it. At least that's what she had to tell herself. He was just angry at the world right now and he needed to lash out. In a way she couldn't blame him. She was angry too. He didn't deserve this. He'd spent his whole life in service to his government, his leaders, and ... he didn't deserve this. 

She hopped on his bed and the movement forced him to turn and face her. His face was still pale but there was more color in it today than there was yesterday. She would make sure it was even better by tomorrow. "I beg to differ Josh. I have several witnesses who saw you kiss me in the airport and all my girl students informed me that it was obvious that you really really liked me. As opposed to just liking me." 

He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. She knew he was searching for the words and it hurt to see him struggle like this. 

But at the same time she realized how grateful he should be that it very rarely took more than a word or two and a look for her to know exactly what he was thinking. 

"Nno... want... yuh ...pi pi..pit... pit." He snapped his mouth shut and looked away. 

"Pity?" she said grasping his meaning. "Is that why you think I'm here?" 

She pinched his arm deeply. 

"Ow!" he shouted scowling at her. 

"See that came out loud and clear." 

"Huh...hur...t" 

"It was supposed to! How dare you think I'm here because I pity you. I'll have you know before his happened I had an itinerary, Josh. With stuff on it. Lots of stuff actually. And I was making a turkey with stuffing because I know it's your favorite. And I filled out all those damn applications, all sixteen of them! And you think I'm here because I pity you!" 

"Ttoo...lllate...Ovver...Go." 

She considered pinching him again. "Your mother was right. You needed to be spanked as a child. I can't believe you don't get that I... Did you read the diary?" 

He shook his head. 

"Where is it?" 

Obstinately, he shook his head again. 

"I'm going to find it and you're going to read it. And we're going to end this once and for all." 

"Go." 

She wanted to scream with frustration. "You say that one more time and I'm going to..." 

"Go," he said with an expression that told her he knew exactly what he was doing by saying it again. 

"Ooooh!" she screamed. Then she did the only thing she could think of and grabbed his face in her hands and kissed him. 

Maybe he had a hard time with words but there was nothing wrong with his mouth. She plunged her tongue past his lips and kissed him with every ounce of love and anger and frustration and hurt and fear and desire she had in her. She kissed him over and over again pouring herself into him until she heard him gasp and figured maybe it wasn't the smartest thing to deny a stroke victim oxygen. 

When she backed off they were both panting. 

"Dah!" 

"Josh!" 

He had no response for that. 

"Now I'm going to go get your mother, and you're going to be nice to her. Then I'm going to go find the diary you should have read two years ago so I can prove to you that I'm here for one reason, and one reason only. And I will be right and you will be wrong and there will be extra satisfaction in that." 

She got off the bed and stormed out the door. Josh followed her with his eyes until the door closed and thought to himself it was a very good thing that Donna could be equally stubborn. 


	7. Comeback 7

 

**Comeback**

**by: Dee**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, AU, Angst  
**Rating:** MATURE  
**Summary:** The premise is Donna never went to Josh for help after she lied to Cliff about the diary.  
**Written:** 4th Sept 03 

* * *

_September 2_

Okay working until 3 in the morning sucks worse! I'm purposely not going in to the office until 7:30 just to prove to him I'm not a slave. Last night's only salvation � he bought me Kung Po and gave me a foot message. Oliver walked in on us and Josh quickly dropped my foot. I'm trying not to make anything out of that but...Okay I am trying to make something out of it. I'm just not sure what. Can't talk to him at all. He's been in a mood all week. Something about tobacco. I don't know why he just won't share when something is bothering him. We both know eventually he's going to cave. And I'll be there. Like I always am. It's as if he thinks one day I'm just going to be like - sorry Josh I don't really care to listen to your problems! I don't know why he thinks that. I'll always be there for him. Always. 

"What did you say to Donna? She left here like a bat out of hell." 

Josh turned his head away from his mother and went back to brooding out the window. 

"Oh no," she told him grabbing his face in her hand and forcing him to look at her. "I'm your mother, Joshua. Don't you turn away from me." 

"Mmmom." He tried to lift his chin out of her hand, but her grip was firm. 

"You listen to me, Josh. Don't you push her away. Not now. Not only do you need her... this is your chance. For both of you. I've waited forty-two years for you to find someone to make you as happy as she does and I will not see you destroy that because you happen to be in a mood." 

"Nnot mmood...sstrroke." 

"Yes. You had a stroke. And you need to recover. It sucks, Josh." 

His eyes popped at his mother's use of the word. 

"Yes, that's right. I said sucks. There I said it again. You know what else sucks, Josh. My daughter dying at such a young age. But we all over came that. Losing your father to cancer. That sucked too, but we managed to get by. You getting shot was certainly no picnic and now this. It all sucks. It's called life, Joshua. And the thing that makes it bearable is that we had a loving family. I adored your father and he adored me. And you have a woman who loves you and you love her. Why you insist on denying that I'll never know. For years it was obvious... never mind. The point is she's here now. You two were 

working toward something, finally. Well now it's going to be a little harder. So what? Does that mean you're going to give up? Quit? Is that what I raised you to be?" 

"Nno." 

Ruth Lyman smiled with satisfaction. "Good. When all of this is said and done, I want grandchildren." 

"Mmmomm," Josh groaned shaking his head. 

"Multiple grandchildren!" 

"Ggo." 

"I'm going. Donna's taking you home tomorrow. I'm flying back to Florida tonight, but I'll be back in few weeks. I love you." 

He nodded. 

"You're a good boy," she said patting his cheek. "But sometimes you can be a real pill, Joshua. Try not to drive her insane, hmmm." 

"I couldn't find the diary, Josh," she called out to him as he was in the hospital bathroom. She'd spent all day looking for the damn thing and simultaneously getting his apartment ready for him. She had to clean all the gym equipment that sat in his spare bedroom, equipment that looked as if it hadn't been used in over a year. She scrubbed down his place and cleared away anything that wasn't necessary furniture to make it easier for him to get around, called her father and told him to send some more of her things and then called Mike, the therapist who had worked with Josh last time, to set up an appointment. Mike had then given her the name of a speech therapist he knew, actually a woman he was dating. He said her name was Pam and she specialized in stroke recovery. Donna called, explained the situation, and set up a bi-weekly schedule for Josh. 

And she searched for the damn diary, which was nowhere to be found. 

"Not that it matters, because I'm not going anywhere." She had just laid out a pair of khakis and short sleeve polo shirt on the bed when he came out of the bathroom in a robe. 

"Did you hide it?" 

"Nno." 

"Burn it?" 

He looked at her. 

"I'm going to find it." 

He just shrugged and tilted his head towards the clothes. She handed them to him and pointed him back to the bathroom. "You'll be able to get them on, but you're probably going to need help with the button and zipper on the pants." 

He closed his eyes in what she knew was sheer disgust. 

"Or you could leave them undone and run the risk of mooning the press core that's waiting for you outside. Personally, I'm for the mooning. Also I brought some sandals you can just slip on." 

He took the clothes from her and walked, with really only a slight limp, back to the bathroom. 

The nurse came in with the wheel chair and Donna grimaced. "Does he have to? He's walking okay. And I brought him a cane." 

"Hospital policy," she said simply. 

Donna nodded in resignation and the nurse left. Josh came back out into the room and held his arms out to his sides and tried to pretend it was the most natural thing in the world to have Donna dress him. He wanted to say something witty, like shouldn't she be undoing his pants, or hadn't she got this backwards, or something to that effect. But the only word that came out was, "Ssucks." 

She finished the job efficiently and smiled at him. "Ready?" 

Then he spotted the chair. "Dah! Nno." 

"I know. I wasn't thrilled. But it's hospital policy. You can get out of it before we clear the door. And I brought you this." 

He stared at the cane like it was snake. 

"And the added advantage of this is, not only will it help you walk, but I can beat you with it if you get out of line." 

He smirked at her. 

"No, really. Your mom gave me permission. Now let's get this show on the road." 

She wheeled him down to admissions and signed him out. Beyond the glass of the hospital door she could see about ten or so reporters along with photographers and cameramen. 

"Okay," she whispered to him. 

He took his cue and got out of the chair and waited a minute to be sure his legs would carry him. It would be even more humiliating if he fell. Donna handed him the cane. He considered pushing it away, but again figured a cane was better than tripping. 

She helped him wrap his hand around the top and he pushed on it a few times making sure he had the arm strength to use it. 

Together she walked next to him as the doors slid open and the cameras started to click. 

"Josh! Josh!" one reporter called. "How do you feel?" 

"Give him a thumbs up," Donna whispered into his ear. 

Josh smiled and gave the crowd a thumbs up while Donna steered him towards the car she had waiting out front. 

"Donna does this mean you've been rehired by the White House?" 

"No. I'm just back to help an old friend." 

"Donna how do you react to the news to know that you were the only one convicted as a result of the Congressional investigation." 

"I guess I was the only one who did something wrong." 

"Have you talked to the President, Donna?" 

"Not lately," she called back and turned opening the car door for Josh. He got it and she quickly settled herself in the driver's seat. 

"Sssorry," he muttered. 

"It's not your fault. Of course they're going to be curious." 

"Olld.... frrriend?" 

Donna started the car and drove off. "I thought if I called you my boyfriend that would just raise more eyebrows." 

"Nnnot ....boy...frrriend." 

"Yes you are." 

"Nno." 

"Yes," she insisted. 

"One...kikiss. Nno...boy...frrriend." 

"Actually it was two kisses. You keep forgetting the airport, Josh." 

"Dah," he huffed hating that she wasn't getting it. "Nno...ssex." 

"Well, not now. I talked to the doctor and he said that the medicine you're currently on might have some lingering... side effects. But that after a few weeks he'd do some blood work and decide if you needed to continue to take it. And if everything checked out we could, you know... do stuff. If you're feeling up to it that is. No pun intended." 

He covered his face that was currently blushing with his right arm. "Dah!" 

"The point is," she continued. "Just because we haven't had sex doesn't mean you're not my boyfriend. Again I refer you to my seventh grade female students, the ones who pointed out that you liked me liked me. They have boyfriends with whom they do not have sex. So it's not like there is no precedent for it, Josh." 

"Ddumb." 

"Did you just call me dumb?" 

"Nno?" 

She peeked over at him and knew that's exactly what he'd done. "Keep in mind Josh, just because you have trouble getting the words out doesn't mean that the ones you get out can't get you in trouble." 

He said nothing in response. 

"And you should know this isn't going to be like the last time, Josh. I mean the last time I was working for you so I had to take a lot of your grief." 

"Nnever." 

"Well that's true. I didn't take a whole lot of it. But the little I did take was because I was working for you and you could have fired me." 

"Im..immp...impper." He stopped as soon as he realized he wasn't going to get it out. 

"Okay, I guess I was impervious to being fired. But I still had a marginal degree respect for the fact that you were my boss. And that is now gone. I'm your girlfriend now, Josh and that brings with it a whole other set of rules. You should be afraid. You should be very afraid." 

"Ddon't...sscare...mme." 

Donna smiled. That was her, Josh. The fighter. 

The knock on the door had her jumping. Josh was sleeping and she didn't want to disturb him if she could help it. She opened to find an ashen Toby on the other side of the door. 

"Oh thank God." 

He embraced her and for a moment Donna was shocked. Toby was not a hugger by nature. Then she put her arms around him and patted his back. "He's okay, Toby." 

"I just got off the plane from Japan. I was with the Secretary of State. I couldn't leave, we were doing some heavy negotiating and..." 

"It's okay, Toby. Josh knows you had a job to do." 

"Leo told me a few days ago... but I haven't heard anything since. I've been going crazy." 

"He's okay. He's sleeping now." 

"He's home already. Is that ... okay?" 

"Yeah. Actually, he's doing very well physically. The stroke happened on his right side, which affected his left arm and leg. His fine motors skills were affected but not too badly. He lost some short- term memory. He doesn't remember where he was when it happened or what he was working on at the time. His biggest problem is with his speech. He has a form of aphasia, which is more typical of left hemisphere strokes, but not unheard of in right hemisphere strokes. He can understand what you say, which for him is very lucky. It could have been worse. But he has difficulty getting words out." 

"So he's okay, but he can't talk," Toby summed up. "He must be going crazy." 

"Only slightly," she quipped. "Our three years of mild telepathic communication is helping to keep his frustration limited. I usually get what he's trying to say." 

"I bet. So you're back." 

Donna wasn't exactly sure how to answer that so she just smiled. "Can I get you something?" 

"A beer?" 

Donna walked to the kitchen and got Toby a beer. She spotted Josh coming out of the bedroom and checked the time. He'd slept for almost three hours. That was actually pretty good. 

"Josh," Toby greeted him. "You look good." 

Josh just nodded and looked for Donna. She handed Toby the beer and walked up to Josh with a welcoming smile. "How you feeling?" 

He nodded. 

"You slept a while. That's good." 

He pointed his chin the direction of Toby. "He just got back from Japan and wanted to see you and no you can't have a beer." 

Josh met her eyes and she understood his fear. For the last two days he'd avoided visitors. Donna had allowed it mostly because she felt he needed to catch up on some much needed rest. But Pam said that the more interaction he had the better it would aid in his language skills. She'd worked with him for the first time yesterday and had given Donna a lot of hope given his level of understanding and his correct usage of words when he was able to get them out that he could make a definite recovery. Eighty percent she had said if not completely. It was just going to take time. 

"Sit and let him tell you about Japan." 

Josh sat on the couch and Toby sat across from him, taking a gulp of his beer. 

Toby looked to Donna. "Maybe I shouldn't be talking about work." 

"Why not?" 

"I don't know... stress." 

"Hhear." 

"What?" 

"He said he's not deaf. He can hear you. You can ask him if he wants to talk about work." 

Toby faced Josh. "You want to talk about work?" 

He nodded. "Ttrade?" 

"I'm sorry... what?" 

"Ttrade...Jjap." 

"You want to know how the trade negotiations went in Japan?" 

He nodded and Toby smiled. "Okay. I can do this. Maybe we've got a sort of a telepathic thing too." 

Josh looked at him like he was crazy. 

"Or maybe not. Okay well, it started out miserably. At one point I was ready to inflict bodily injury...." 

Donna got up and headed back to the kitchen. She'd let them talk about work while she got dinner started and thought how routine this all seemed. But it wasn't going to be like last time. 

For one thing, she decided she wasn't sleeping on the couch anymore. 


	8. Comeback 8

 

**Comeback**

**by: Dee**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, AU, Angst  
**Rating:** MATURE  
**Summary:** The premise is Donna never went to Josh for help after she lied to Cliff about the diary.  
**Written:** 4th Sept 03  
**Author's Note:** I know that my timeline for Manchester is technically off. (Although why everyone would have been wearing coats in the middle of June in DC is a little strange) but since Aaron can play with timelines so can I. 

* * *

_September 10_

We're leaving tomorrow for Manchester. Looking forward to it. I've never said anything to the Pres. but I love the house. It feels like a home. It's big but cozy. It feels like a place a family should be raised. The kids love to be home. You can see it. I think the First Lady loves having everyone about, even us, even under circumstances like this. I probably shouldn't be looking forward to it as much as I am, but I can't help it. Someday I want a house like that. I want a family like that. 

"Dah!" 

"What?" 

He was sitting up in bed trying to come to grips with the image before him. 

Donna was standing next to the bed in a slinky blue silk nightgown, her hair in a ponytail, and rubbing lotion on her hands. 

"Ggown. Bblue." 

"Yes it is. Actually this is my nice one," she informed him pulling down the blankets and getting into bed with him. 

"Dah!" 

"What? Is it the gown? Don't you like it?" 

"Uh...uh..." 

"Oh look. I've left you speechless," she teased. "Don't get used to it. Normally, I wear cotton boxers and t-shirts in the summer, but I thought since this is our first night together I would go with the nightgown." 

"Bbut..." 

"Don't worry, Josh. I'm not pressuring you for sex. That's a few weeks off, but one of the new perks this time around is the fact that I no longer have to sleep on the couch." 

She settled in and turned on her side as if it were the most normal thing in the world for her to get in to bed with him. She had decided on this approach earlier today and had convinced herself to just go for it. One of the upsides of Josh's speech problem was that he couldn't really provide a quick counter argument. Eventually, she figured he would find some way around that, but for now she could pretty much bowl him over. 

She waited until he settled down and basically accepted her presence in his bed. As soon as he seemed to relax, she turned and rested her arm over his waist and placed her head on his t-shirt coved chest. 

"Huh." 

"You know this is what I wanted to do the last time," she told him. "I hated sending you off to bed because I would lie awake on the couch all night and worry. I wanted to hear your heart beat and feel your chest go up and down so I would know that you were breathing and everything was okay." 

"Dah," he sighed. 

"But I couldn't. Because I was your assistant. It was always sort of a thorn in our side, wasn't it?" 

"Nno...ddate. Bbad...ppresss." 

"But it wasn't just that. You never really looked at me like that. Sure you made some comments, mostly stupid ones. But you never... not until I left." 

"Nnot...ttrue," he countered. "Allways...knew...day. Th..thought... ccould... wait. Then...Cclliff." 

She lifted her head so she could look at him. "You were so mad. I didn't think... I mean I wasn't thinking about a lot of things back then. And there are things that you probably still don't understand because you didn't read my diary. I tried to explain it all at the end. It doesn't matter now. But I didn't think you would be so mad, Josh. I really didn't." 

"Nnot...mmaad. Hhurt. Nnot...sshure...why. Hate... him. Hate...him...yuh lleave." 

She sensed his agitation and wanted to stop it. She rubbed his chest and leaned up further to kiss him gently on the lips. "You shouldn't hate him. It's because I left that I can sleep with you now. The way I always wanted to." 

"Allways?" 

"When you were shot, Josh. Not always as in ...always." 

"Rreally?" 

There was a twinkle in his eyes; it was the first time she'd spotted it since he woke up in the hospital. And if she smiled a little harder, maybe, ... there it was. He was in full dimple mode. "Yes, really. Do you honestly think I was hot for your body all those years?" 

"Ttrick...qquest?" 

She laughed and thought the fact that he was making jokes had to be a good sign. "Go to sleep." 

"Nnight." 

She settled down and felt herself drifting off, felt the steady drum of his heart underneath hers, and motion of his chest as it moved up and down. She smelled his soap on him and the faint hint of toothpaste that he'd dripped on his shirt. 

"Sstupid...wait. Nnice." 

She smiled and squeezed him tighter. 

********* 

"Hey, Donna." 

"Hey, Sam." 

"Dah!" 

Donna grimaced and moved aside to let Sam in. "Don't you love it? It's my appellation. You know I never thought I would say this but I really can't wait until he starts shouting Donna again." 

"Dah!" Josh repeated coming out of his bedroom with his shoes untied. "Can't!" 

"Na, Josh. It's very easy. Dah Na. You have no problem putting Dah and No together. All you have to do is change it up and put Dah and Na together." 

"Mock?" he asked his face a picture of indignation. 

"I'm not mocking you. I'm just getting a little afraid that you're going to start pulling me around by my hair." 

"Mock!" 

"Whatever." 

Sam laughed and not for the first time realized how much more normal life seemed since Donna had returned. Despite Josh's stroke. Because she could understand him so well, it was as if there was nothing out of the ordinary with the way he spoke. 

She got down on one knee and tied his tennis shoes and tried to ignore the temptation to stroke his muscled thighs that were revealed by his shorts. He was recently off the medication but she didn't want to push him. Any move that was made definitely had to come from his camp. Still, nothing wrong with admiring them. "Why don't you wear the sandals I bought?" 

"Gay." 

"They're not gay, Josh. They're fashionable and they don't need to be buckled or tied." 

"Gay." 

"I have a pair of those sandals," Sam mentioned. 

"See," Josh said to Donna. 

"Did he just insult me?" 

"No." 

"Yes." Josh smiled. For the first time in a month he felt more like himself than ever. He still couldn't string together a whole lot of words or sentences for that matter, but with Pam's help it was getting easier and easier to get the words out. And he was mocking Sam. All couldn't be too wrong in the world if he was mocking Sam. 

And there was the added benefit of being taken off his medication. When he woke next to Donna this morning he definitely felt something. It wasn't quite enough of a something to make the big move but he was definitely gaining ground. 

If he could have, he would have hopped. 

He turned to her on his way to the door. "Come with." 

"Us," Donna finished. "You know what Pam said about being lazy with words. You don't want to develop bad habits." 

"Come. With. Us," he repeated slowly. 

"It's a baseball game." 

"So?" 

"Baseball's stupid. You two could come with me." 

"Where?" 

"Shopping." 

"Men." 

She smiled at Sam. "He's allowed two beers. So help me God, you give him more than that and you're dead man Seaborn." 

"Yes, sir. What about popcorn? Is he allowed to have popcorn?" 

"Right here," Josh shouted. "All...lowed popcorn." 

"Right. Sorry," Sam said and watched Donna nod behind him. 

"You have fun," she told them and tried not to fret. She remembered this feeling the first time he went out without her after the shooting. Only now it was doubled because they were admitting things and openly acknowledging that they felt stuff for each other. 

Well, mostly acknowledging it. She hadn't used the "l" word and he hadn't either. She couldn't help but think that part of him thought she might leave. She knew he was worried that she was only back to care for him and when he was better she would go back to Madison. 

Which could very well turn out to be the truth if he didn't ask her to stay. It was sort of a vicious circle. 

So they didn't really discuss the future. They'd spent most of their time working on getting him better. And he was getting better. He could grip things with his left hand and he didn't need the cane to walk. 

His enunciation was better, if his word use was still limited. He was reading and comprehending at full speed. He could type, but he was faster if he just used the hunt and peck method. He'd written two memos on opinions he had regarding recent bills with Donna's help. 

And he was starting to talk about going back to work. 

It raised a whole slew of questions about their future. Questions that Donna wasn't really ready to address. Which is why she didn't use the "l" word and probably why he didn't either. For now they were together and he was getting better and that was enough. 

For now. 

******** 

Josh sat in the stadium chair and lowered the baseball cap he'd grabbed on the way out over his head. 

"Bright." 

"Yeah," Sam agreed but he knew that wasn't the reason. It was a gorgeous day in mid July. Hot, but that was a given. They had decided to drive the hour up 95 to Baltimore to take in an Orioles game. The view of the harbor was amazing. Few people recognized them outside of the belt, but he knew Josh didn't want to take the chance since his face had been in the news recently. 

"Beer. Now." 

Sam laughed and handed him his first beer and watched as Josh drank from the cup like he was drinking the nectar of the gods. 

"Goood," he groaned. 

"Just don't get drunk or Donna will never let you out to play again." 

The game began and they enjoyed the mindless distraction of watching it unfold. 

"So you thinking about coming back soon?" Sam asked casually. The truth was he was asking if Josh was thinking about coming back at all. 

Josh shrugged. "Don't know." 

"Are you coming back?" 

Josh looked at his friend and sighed. He deserved the truth. "Don't know." 

"Okay." Sam tried not to press but he couldn't help it. "It's not the same without you there. We're missing our energy." 

"I been miss..miss...ing it. Since Donna left." 

"Hey, you just said Donna." 

He nodded like it was no big deal. "Just mess...ing with her." 

Sam laughed and drank his beer. "You know she might come back. I mean if you asked her you could both come back and it would be..." 

"Can't." 

"Can't come back or can't ask her? Or Donna can't come back? Because I really don't think that's the case, her press, especially now since she's returned to the side of the fallen hero, has been very favorable. People think it's a love story." 

"It is." 

Sam beamed. "That's great! You love her. And she obviously loves you." 

"Don't know." 

"Josh, of course she does. She wouldn't have come back if she wasn't in love." 

"She would." 

Sam had to agree. "Okay, so she would have come back regardless, but I really believe that she loves you, Josh. I think she always has." 

Josh shifted in his seat, clearly uncomfortable with the subject and took another sip of his beer. 

"So can't what?" 

"Can't ask. Not fair." 

"Why?" 

Josh struggled a little for patience. Communicating with Donna was so much easier. It never too more than a few words to express his meaning. But Sam wasn't getting it and he didn't know if he had enough words to try and explain everything that he was feeling. 

He could ask Donna to come back and help him in the office. And he knew she would say yes. It's just who she was. But he didn't want to be Donna's obligation. He didn't want her to do something because she thought she owed him, or for any other reason other than she wanted to do it. So he couldn't ask. 

He wished he knew how she felt. He wished he knew what she was thinking about their future. He wished she would tell him that she loved him. He wished she had said it before he had a stroke, so he could be sure that it wasn't a love born out of pity. 

"Drop it," Josh finally answered. It was the easiest solution. 

Sam nodded and went back to his beer. 


	9. Comeback 9

 

**Comeback**

**by: Dee**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, AU, Angst  
**Rating:** MATURE  
**Summary:** The premise is Donna never went to Josh for help after she lied to Cliff about the diary.  
**Written:** 4th Sept 03 

* * *

_Can't write what I'm feeling. Don't want to date the page. Don't really want to remember it. It was a mistake. I knew who he was and I ... it just... yeah, not too sure what happened there. It was a mistake. That's all. I'm going to forget about it and move on. No big deal. Except I have to tell him. God I don't want to tell him. Maybe I won't tell him. I mean there is no reason to tell him anything. It's really none of his business. I have to tell him._

"You're back." Donna heard them in the hall and opened the door to find Josh's arm slung over Sam's shoulder and goofy grin on his face. "You are so dead, Sam." 

"Me? But I swear I only gave him two beers." 

"Goood beeer," Josh nodded. 

"I should have cut you off at one," Donna said only slightly irritated. His nose was red, his face had color, and he looked happy and relaxed. All things considered it was probably good for him. 

"I'm kay." He took his arm off Sam and stumbled a bit toward Donna. She got him and guided him to the couch. He fell down heavily and kicked his feet up on the table. "Dinner?" 

Donna wanted to growl. "I was right before. You are turning into a caveman." 

"Sorry," Sam said watching as Josh fell over into a pillow and promptly fell asleep. 

"It's okay," Donna chuckled. "At least you had fun." 

"We did. I didn't realize how much I miss him." 

Donna nodded. "I know how that feels." 

"You're staying, right?" Sam suddenly blurted out. 

Tough question. "For now, yes." 

"You mean you're thinking of leaving." 

"It's not that simple, Sam. I don't know what Josh wants." 

"He wants you to stay." 

"Did he say that?" 

Sam squirmed a little. "Not in those words, but Donna he..." No he couldn't tell her that. That was for Josh to tell her, not for him to relay. "I mean you two... are together. Isn't that what you wanted." 

"Yes." 

"And he was coming to visit you..." 

"To visit, Sam. Not to ...propose or ask me to come back and live with him. It's complicated. And besides that I still don't think he trusts that I'm here because I want to be." 

"I told him to read the diary," Sam agreed absently. 

"How do you know that would make a difference?" 

Sam shrugged his shoulders. 

"Sam! Did you read my diary?" 

"I didn't," he said a little too quickly. 

"You did!" she accused. 

"I skimmed it," he admitted. "The council for the congressional committee investigating us, as well as the prosecutor and the judge in your criminal trial read it. I had to. Josh wouldn't touch it, but I had to know. Just in case." 

Donna let go of her anger. "It's not like it was private by the time you got to it." 

"I didn't... I didn't memorize the thing. I just looked for parts that I thought might be pertinent. I read a few passages. And I knew. It was all right there. The weird part was that even as you were writing it, I don't think you knew." 

"I didn't. I didn't until... Hey you wouldn't know where it is, would you? I've looked everywhere, but I can't find it. I think he might have thrown it away." 

"He didn't," Sam assured her. "He took it with him where ever he went." 

"Why if wasn't going to read it?" 

"I don't know. I just know that I saw it a few times in his suitcase. One night during the campaign when he was out I took it. It's like he couldn't read it, but he couldn't leave it behind. I think... this will sound corny in relation to Josh but... I think it was his way of staying connected to you." 

The quite was disrupted by loud obnoxious snore. 

Donna chuckled. "My Mr. Sensitivity. Nice try, Sam. You want to stay for dinner. I'm making chicken." 

"Nah, I've got to get back to the office. Work is, needles to say, piling up." 

"Don't guilt me, Sam. And don't guilt him either." 

"I'm not. I won't. It's just that we need him, and he needs you." 

"That has to be Josh's decision." 

"It's going to be yours too. See you." 

Sam left and Donna sat in the chair and watched Josh sleep for a while. She thought about what Sam said and realized that it was doubtful Josh would or even could go back to work without her. There was no way Peter was going to be able to translate for him. There was no way Josh would tolerate the frustration of not being understood immediately. 

But going back meant giving up teaching. It meant putting herself and Josh in a position where people would speculate on their relationship. It meant possibly going back to the way things were before when she was just his assistant. She didn't know if she could do that. Didn't know that she wanted to do it. 

Then a thought popped into her head, which propelled her to the bedroom. She found his suitcase in his closet. It was still half packed for his trip to Madison, she guessed. No diary though. 

"Dah?" 

Hearing him stir, she joined him in the living room. "Feeling better." 

"Was tired." 

"Was drunk," she corrected. 

"Nuh ah. Slleepy." 

She sat next to him on the couch and their shoulders bumped. "You had a good day?" 

"Yeah. Miss Sam." 

"He misses you too. How many beers did you have?" 

Josh smirked at her. "Kay. Tthree. Not Sam's fault." 

"I know. You hungry?" 

He nodded. 

And then something about the way his hair was messed up and his face was so relaxed made her insides clench. She turned and threw her leg over his thighs until she was sitting in his lap facing him. 

"What do you want?" she asked suggestively. 

"Uh." 

She could see his shock, but dipped her head to give him a kiss. "I'm making chicken." 

"Kiss... better," he said and brought her down again, this time letting his mouth linger over hers. She squirmed in his lap so she could move closer and he could feel himself becoming aroused. And amazed. This was Donna on his lap. This was Donna whose tongue was in his mouth playing with his. And it was okay to do this. And no one could stop them, and ... 

He was scared out of his mind. Maybe because it was the first time he was seriously contemplating having sex since the stroke. Maybe because it was Donna. Maybe because he knew that this wasn't just sex. What happened between them was going to be important and he didn't want to blow it. 

He stiffened a little and she must have sensed it because she pulled away. She looked into his face trying to read him, he knew, and all he could do was sit there. She rested her forehead against his and smiled. 

"I better go put the chicken on or we're never going to eat." 

"Chchicken," he repeated referring more to himself than he was the food as she lifted herself off his lap and walked to the kitchen. 

Later that night he was lying on his side with his head propped up on his hand watching her sleep. They'd gone to bed about an hour ago, but he hadn't been able to sleep. Still when she said she was tired, he joined her. Just because for the first time in his life he was sleeping with someone on a regular basis and he liked the ritual of it. 

He liked to sit up in bed and watch her wash her face and brush her hair and brush her teeth. He liked the way she smoothed the lotion on her legs and arms. He liked the scent of the baby fresh lotion when she got into bed next to him. 

He liked to hold her. He liked it when she held him. 

He wanted to make love to her. He could feel himself getting hard and had to be glad that all things seemed to be back in working order. He stroked her hair and thought that it felt like silk through his fingers. 

She stirred a little under his touch, but didn't wake up and he was glad. He wasn't ready for that yet. He just wanted to touch her. He remembered back in time to a few of the fantasies he had regarding Donna. There weren't many. He wouldn't allow them when she was his assistant. Because if he thought of her that way, he knew that eventually he wouldn't have been able to stop himself from acting on it and that would have been the surest way to screw things up. 

But every once in a while a thought would creep through. Or she would wear something that made him look twice. He remembered one time her dressing for a date in some slinky red dress. The date had bombed but the image of her in the dress stayed with him that night and followed him into his dreams. And when he dreamt of them the sex was hot and passionate and feverish. He was taking her on his desk, or against a wall. 

In his dreams sex with Donna was always explosive. 

But as he ran his hand around her waist and slipped it under the loose tank top she wore so that he could touch her smooth bare belly, he realized that he didn't want explosive. He didn't want pounding, heart-stopping sex, now. For one he didn't know if he was capable of it. The idea of having another stroke on top of Donna didn't appeal to him. He was pretty sure she would agree. But more than the fear of that was the idea that he just wanted to glide into her. He wanted things to be easy and smooth. 

He reached for her in the dark and magically she was waiting for him. In the end she felt his shoulders shaking and felt the wetness on her shoulder. 

"Shh, shhh," she crooned. "It's okay." 

He lifted his head and tried to shake himself free of the powerful emotions that wracked him. "Don't know...why." 

"It's natural. Your inhibitions are down. It's okay." 

"Gg..." 

She pressed a finger against his lips. "Let me assure you, Josh. You are anything but gay." She smiled and waited and finally he smiled back. 

He lowered his head and kissed her then rolled on his back taking her with him. She cradled herself against him and was overcome with love for him. 

A long time later he finally worked up the nerve to tell her what he'd never told another woman. "Love you," he whispered. 

But she was sound asleep. 


	10. Comeback 9a

 

**Comeback**

**by: Dee**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, AU, Angst  
**Rating:** ADULT  
**Summary:** The premise is Donna never went to Josh for help after she lied to Cliff about the diary.  
**Written:** 4th Sept 03 

_Can't write what I'm feeling. Don't want to date the page. Don't really want to remember it. It was a mistake. I knew who he was and I ... it just... yeah, not too sure what happened there. It was a mistake. That's all. I'm going to forget about it and move on. No big deal. Except I have to tell him. God I don't want to tell him. Maybe I won't tell him. I mean there is no reason to tell him anything. It's really none of his business. I have to tell him._

"You're back." Donna heard them in the hall and opened the door to find Josh's arm slung over Sam's shoulder and goofy grin on his face. "You are so dead, Sam." 

"Me? But I swear I only gave him two beers." 

"Goood beeer," Josh nodded. 

"I should have cut you off at one," Donna said only slightly irritated. His nose was red, his face had color, and he looked happy and relaxed. All things considered it was probably good for him. 

"I'm kay." He took his arm off Sam and stumbled a bit toward Donna. She got him and guided him to the couch. He fell down heavily and kicked his feet up on the table. "Dinner?" 

Donna wanted to growl. "I was right before. You are turning into a caveman." 

"Sorry," Sam said watching as Josh fell over into a pillow and promptly fell asleep. 

"It's okay," Donna chuckled. "At least you had fun." 

"We did. I didn't realize how much I miss him." 

Donna nodded. "I know how that feels." 

"You're staying, right?" Sam suddenly blurted out. 

Tough question. "For now, yes." 

"You mean you're thinking of leaving." 

"It's not that simple, Sam. I don't know what Josh wants." 

"He wants you to stay." 

"Did he say that?" 

Sam squirmed a little. "Not in those words, but Donna he..." No he couldn't tell her that. That was for Josh to tell her, not for him to relay. "I mean you two... are together. Isn't that what you wanted." 

"Yes." 

"And he was coming to visit you..." 

"To visit, Sam. Not to ...propose or ask me to come back and live with him. It's complicated. And besides that I still don't think he trusts that I'm here because I want to be." 

"I told him to read the diary," Sam agreed absently. 

"How do you know that would make a difference?" 

Sam shrugged his shoulders. 

"Sam! Did you read my diary?" 

"I didn't," he said a little too quickly. 

"You did!" she accused. 

"I skimmed it," he admitted. "The council for the congressional committee investigating us, as well as the prosecutor and the judge in your criminal trial read it. I had to. Josh wouldn't touch it, but I had to know. Just in case." 

Donna let go of her anger. "It's not like it was private by the time you got to it." 

"I didn't... I didn't memorize the thing. I just looked for parts that I thought might be pertinent. I read a few passages. And I knew. It was all right there. The weird part was that even as you were writing it, I don't think you knew." 

"I didn't. I didn't until... Hey you wouldn't know where it is, would you? I've looked everywhere, but I can't find it. I think he might have thrown it away." 

"He didn't," Sam assured her. "He took it with him where ever he went." 

"Why if wasn't going to read it?" 

"I don't know. I just know that I saw it a few times in his suitcase. One night during the campaign when he was out I took it. It's like he couldn't read it, but he couldn't leave it behind. I think... this will sound corny in relation to Josh but... I think it was his way of staying connected to you." 

The quite was disrupted by loud obnoxious snore. 

Donna chuckled. "My Mr. Sensitivity. Nice try, Sam. You want to stay for dinner. I'm making chicken." 

"Nah, I've got to get back to the office. Work is, needles to say, piling up." 

"Don't guilt me, Sam. And don't guilt him either." 

"I'm not. I won't. It's just that we need him, and he needs you." 

"That has to be Josh's decision." 

"It's going to be yours too. See you." 

Sam left and Donna sat in the chair and watched Josh sleep for a while. She thought about what Sam said and realized that it was doubtful Josh would or even could go back to work without her. There was no way Peter was going to be able to translate for him. There was no way Josh would tolerate the frustration of not being understood immediately. 

But going back meant giving up teaching. It meant putting herself and Josh in a position where people would speculate on their relationship. It meant possibly going back to the way things were before when she was just his assistant. She didn't know if she could do that. Didn't know that she wanted to do it. 

Then a thought popped into her head, which propelled her to the bedroom. She found his suitcase in his closet. It was still half packed for his trip to Madison, she guessed. No diary though. 

"Dah?" 

Hearing him stir, she joined him in the living room. "Feeling better." 

"Was tired." 

"Was drunk," she corrected. 

"Nuh ah. Slleepy." 

She sat next to him on the couch and their shoulders bumped. "You had a good day?" 

"Yeah. Miss Sam." 

"He misses you too. How many beers did you have?" 

Josh smirked at her. "Kay. Tthree. Not Sam's fault." 

"I know. You hungry?" 

He nodded. 

And then something about the way his hair was messed up and his face was so relaxed made her insides clench. She turned and threw her leg over his thighs until she was sitting in his lap facing him. 

"What do you want?" she asked suggestively. 

"Uh." 

She could see his shock, but dipped her head to give him a kiss. "I'm making chicken." 

"Kiss... better," he said and brought her down again, this time letting his mouth linger over hers. She squirmed in his lap so she could move closer and he could feel himself becoming aroused. And amazed. This was Donna on his lap. This was Donna whose tongue was in his mouth playing with his. And it was okay to do this. And no one could stop them, and ... 

He was scared out of his mind. Maybe because it was the first time he was seriously contemplating having sex since the stroke. Maybe because it was Donna. Maybe because he knew that this wasn't just sex. What happened between them was going to be important and he didn't want to blow it. 

He stiffened a little and she must have sensed it because she pulled away. She looked into his face trying to read him, he knew, and all he could do was sit there. She rested her forehead against his and smiled. 

"I better go put the chicken on or we're never going to eat." 

"Chchicken," he repeated referring more to himself than he was the food as she lifted herself off his lap and walked to the kitchen. 

Later that night he was lying on his side with his head propped up on his hand watching her sleep. They'd gone to bed about an hour ago, but he hadn't been able to sleep. Still when she said she was tired, he joined her. Just because for the first time in his life he was sleeping with someone on a regular basis and he liked the ritual of it. 

He liked to sit up in bed and watch her wash her face and brush her hair and brush her teeth. He liked the way she smoothed the lotion on her legs and arms. He liked the scent of the baby fresh lotion when she got into bed next to him. 

He liked to hold her. He liked it when she held him. 

He wanted to make love to her. He could feel himself getting hard and had to be glad that all things seemed to be back in working order. He stroked her hair and thought that it felt like silk through his fingers. 

She stirred a little under his touch, but didn't wake up and he was glad. He wasn't ready for that yet. He just wanted to touch her. He remembered back in time to a few of the fantasies he had regarding Donna. There weren't many. He wouldn't allow them when she was his assistant. Because if he thought of her that way, he knew that eventually he wouldn't have been able to stop himself from acting on it and that would have been the surest way to screw things up. 

But every once in a while a thought would creep through. Or she would wear something that made him look twice. He remembered one time her dressing for a date in some slinky red dress. The date had bombed but the image of her in the dress stayed with him that night and followed him into his dreams. And when he dreamt of them the sex was hot and passionate and feverish. He was taking her on his desk, or against a wall. 

In his dreams sex with Donna was always explosive. 

But as he ran his hand around her waist and slipped it under the loose tank top she wore so that he could touch her smooth bare belly, he realized that he didn't want explosive. He didn't want pounding, heart-stopping sex, now. For one he didn't know if he was capable of it. The idea of having another stroke on top of Donna didn't appeal to him. He was pretty sure she would agree. But more than the fear of that was the idea that he just wanted to glide into her. He wanted things to be easy and smooth. 

It wasn't so much that he wanted an orgasm. He just wanted to be inside her. 

He moved his hand further up until his knuckles were brushing the underside of her breast. He stroked his fingers over her gently and felt her nipple pucker in response and groaned at the sensation. God, he thought. Had he ever felt anything so soft? 

He wished she would move on to her back so he could explore her more fully, but he still wasn't ready to wake her up yet. He didn't know what her expectations were. He wondered if she ever had fantasies about him. Did she dream of him taking her on the desk in his office. Or maybe in her little cubicle. The idea made him smile. 

She moved then as if she could hear his unspoken thoughts and rolled onto her back, but a quick peek at her face and he saw that she was still asleep. Lazily his hand moved to cup her other breast and test it's fullness. She was thin as a rule, but her breast were plump and full. He tweaked her nipple and saw her body undulate in response. 

Then he let his hand wander down her body below the boxers that he'd given her. They were a gag gift years ago from some girlfriend that had never been taken out of the bag. They had smiling faces on them and she thought they were adorable. His hand drifted beneath the elastic band but stilled. 

He desperately wanted to touch her but thought that he should probably wake her up first and ask her permission. For a moment his hand moved back and forth over her belly, while he contemplated if he was ready for this. Then he felt her hand on his cheek and looked up to see her eyes open, but drowsy. 

She nodded then closed her eyes and stretched out her body opening her legs and offering herself to him. 

It was like no gift he had ever received. Suddenly, he found himself violently aroused where before the feelings had been softer and gentler. The need to be inside her overwhelmed him, but he knew she couldn't be anywhere near his level of arousal. 

He tugged the boxers off over her hips and down her legs. And the site of her long legs and blond curls forced him to close his eyes. He parted her legs and moved between them stretching over her and lowering his head to her neck. He kissed the spot where her hair met her neck and let himself drown in her scent. 

She moved her hands down his body and pulled down his shorts enough so that his erection was free and pressing against her mound. Her hands moved up his back under his shirt and she lifted her legs along his thighs then stilled. 

Moving his hips slightly, brushing his cock along her sex, he was stunned to find her wet and warm because hadn't spent enough time touching her or teasing her or arousing her. But he was glad for it because he just wanted to be in her. 

He pulled his hips back and thrust forward. She was tight and her body barely accepted him. He pushed again and went a little deeper, then again, and again. Donna raised her hips slightly and finally Josh felt himself encompassed inside her sheath. He groaned, unable to help himself, and moved slightly so he could savor the heat and the grip of her body. 

Donna tightened her hold on him but made no other move. This was for Josh, she knew. This was the way he needed her so she wanted to give herself to him just this way. Later they could play at sex, but this was their first union and in a way the quiet made it more solemn. When she felt him pushing into her, she considered protection then dismissed it. Not this time. This time was just about the two of them without barriers. 

She didn't imagine that she would orgasm. She was almost as surprised as she knew he was to find herself as aroused as she was. She'd been aware of him from the moment he started stroking her hair and her breasts but somehow she sensed that he wasn't ready for her be an active participant. So she'd turned to him and allowed him to touch her and allowed him to penetrate her. 

But as he stroked himself inside her, gentle and slow, she felt her face flushing and her body tightening around him. The steady glide of his body against hers was more potent than anything she had ever felt before. He seemed to thrust in time with her heartbeat. She could hear his breathing; she could hear her own harsh breaths. But that was the only sound in the room and for whatever reason she found it more erotic than the sexiest of love words. 

His face was still buried in her neck and she could feel his pace to begin to build. In and out, then faster, then harder, then deeper. Her inner muscles clenched around him fiercely and this time she heard him gasp. She felt every muscle in her body getting tighter, and tighter until she didn't know if she could stand it. Then he thrust hard one more time and the tension snapped and her whole body convulsed in a pulsing wave of pleasure. It was like nothing she had ever felt before and it seemed fitting that she should feel this way with Josh. 

She felt his body shudder above hers and felt his seed spill into her body causing her body to convulse again and giving her another jolt of pleasure. Then she felt his shoulders shaking and felt the wetness against her neck. 

"Shh, shhh," she crooned. "It's okay." 

He lifted his head and tried to shake himself free of the powerful emotions that wracked him. "Don't know...why." 

"It's natural. Your inhibitions are down. It's okay." 

"Gg..." 

She pressed a finger against his lips. "Let me assure you, Josh. You are anything but gay." She smiled and waited and finally he smiled back. 

He lowered his head and kissed her letting himself slip from her body. He rolled on his back and took her with him. She cradled herself against him and was overcome with love for him. 

"How....ddid you know?" 

Donna tightened her hold. "I just did." 

A long time later he finally worked up the nerve to tell her what he'd never told another woman. "Love you," he whispered. 

But this time she really was sound asleep. 


	11. Comeback 10

 

**Comeback**

**by: Dee**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna  
**Pairing(s):** Josh/Donna  
**Category(s):** Romance, AU, Angst  
**Rating:** MATURE  
**Summary:** The premise is Donna never went to Josh for help after she lied to Cliff about the diary.  
**Written:** 4th Sept 03 

* * *

_November 15_

It's done. I gave him my resignation today. I feel as if I should be crying, but I can't. I feel as if I should be breaking things in anger, but I can't do that either. The blame is mine. Not because I lied, but why I lied. Because I wouldn't tell him. Because I didn't want him to know. I was a coward. And for that I don't deserve to get to stay. I hope that when he reads this - because I have to give to him, I'm giving it to them, so I have to give it to him - that he understands. I hope he doesn't end up hating more than he probably does at this moment. I hope he knows that, I loved him. I always loved him. I know I always will. 

"Dah!" 

"Na." 

"Dah." 

"Na!" 

Donna straddled Josh's stomach and tickled his ribs. She was wearing his t-shirt and he was delightfully naked. They woke up this morning with a specific plan to stay in bed all day. The summer was winding down and they both had sensed that his recovery time was coming to an end. Eventually the real world would rear its ugly head. So these last two weeks had been just for them. They spent all morning in bed, laughing, and making love, eating, only to make love again. 

She couldn't remember a time when she'd been happier. She couldn't remember a time when Josh had seemed more carefree. 

She wanted only one more thing. 

"I mean it Josh! You've got to learn to say my name. I refuse to spend the rest of my life answering to Dah." Ooops. She didn't just say, rest of her life, did she? That was a little presumptuous. She checked his expression and found him still to be smiling. She guessed he hadn't comprehended the significance of her words. 

"Why?" 

"Because I know you and you're not saying it just to be difficult!" 

"I had a stroke, Dah! You are be..ing insenss..itive." 

Donna stopped her torture and sat up a bit, pouting. "I'm sorry," she said contritely. "If it's really too difficult, you don't have to say it. But will you promise to practice?" 

Josh reached up and stroked her cheek with his palm. In his mind he debated which was softer, her cheek, or her breast, or her ass. That was pretty soft too. He reached behind her neck and pulled her down for another kiss. Their lips met like magnets and for the thousandth time he wondered how he'd gone as long as he had without doing this. Without touching her. Without loving her. 

He felt her fingers curl into the hair on his chest and maybe for the first time realized he was naked this morning. Most mornings, he put on a shirt before his scar was completely exposed in the daylight. But this morning she had beat him to it by putting on his shirt before he woke up. 

Not that it mattered. This was Donna. She'd seen the scar before. Hell, she'd lived it with him. It didn't bother him at all that she saw it, or touched it, where with any other woman he'd never let them get close to it. 

She pulled away and smiled. "Okay, if you keep kissing me like that you don't even have to practice." 

"Good. Because Donna is really hard to say." 

"Josh! I knew it! You big fake!" 

She went back to tickling, but he captured both her hands and rolled her onto her back his body securing her to the bed. 

"Don't even think about it," she warned him feeling his erection pressing against her belly. "I'm furious with you." 

"No you're not." 

"Yes. I am." 

"But Dah!" 

"Don't you Dah, me." 

He laughed and nipped at her nose and was prepared to kiss her ... and do other things to get her over her little temper tantrum when the phone rang. 

He looked at it. "Don't answer it." 

"It could be important." 

"This is more important." In more ways than one, he thought. 

Donna pushed at his shoulders until he rolled on to his back and picked up the phone on his bed stand. "Josh Lyman." 

She heard a raspy chuckle on the other end. "It's been a long time since I heard that voice answer his phone." 

Donna smiled. "Hi, Leo." 

"Is he there?" 

Yes and currently he was playing with her breast, but she decided not to share that. She slapped his hand away and put her hand over the receiver. "Josh! Stop. It's Leo. He wants to talk to you." 

Josh groaned sensing that his time was finally up and held his hand out for the phone. "Hey, Leo." 

"You sound good." 

"I feel good." He felt even better now that Donna was running her hand down his chest. She was about to dip below his belly button, in retribution no doubt, but he caught her hand. He couldn't reconcile talking to Leo on the phone, while she was doing that to his body. 

"Good. Come in this afternoon for a meeting." 

"Uh...." 

"You're ready, Josh. And we need you back." 

Josh thought about commenting that Leo wasn't his doctor, but closed his mouth. He was right. He was ready and he owed everything to Leo. To walk away now, just didn't feel right. 

"Okay." 

"See you around 4:00. And bring Donna. The president wants to have dinner with the both of you." 

Josh handed the phone back to Donna and she hung it up. "Play time is over?" 

"Yeah." 

"You're ready." 

"I know." 

She nodded. "We have to make some decisions." 

"Yeah," he sighed. 

"I've made mine." 

He looked at her expectantly. 

"If you want me to, I'll come back." 

He nodded slowly. "Okay." 

"Okay, you want me to come back?" 

"Okay, I know you will if I ask. I don't know if I want to ask." 

"Okay." 

"You have to come with me. The press...sident wants us for dinner." 

Donna nodded and rolled out of bed. Playtime was definitely over. Or maybe it didn't have to be. "I'm gonna take a shower." 

Josh nodded absently, his mind clearly on a million other things. Already she found herself missing his smile. 

"I'm going to be naked and dripping with hot water." 

"Kay." 

She waited a beat and then his head turned. She could just make out his dimples. "Come with?" 

"Me, Donna," Josh finished, rolling out of bed and ready to join her in the shower. "If you don't use your words, you'll get lazy." 

"Well, I've got a few words I would like to practice," she smiled mischievously. 

"Do tell." 

And she did. 

They had decided to walk to the White House from Josh's place. It was hot, but for a change the humidity wasn't too bad and the day was quite beautiful. Donna wore a sundress and straw hat and Josh thought she looked amazing. Young and fresh. He wondered what she saw in him, but decided not to question his good fortune. 

Then he stopped. They were standing in front of an empty store and he could see their reflection in the glass. Their hands were linked and he was amazed to find this couple staring back at him. He'd dated a lot of women, some for a long period of time, but he never remembered feeling like he did now. That he was part of a larger whole. 

"What?" Donna asked wondering why they stopped. 

"Look." 

"It's empty." 

"Us." 

She smiled and looked at their reflection. "You don't think this color yellow washes me out, do you?" 

Josh shook his head and rolled his eyes. "I'm be..ing serious." 

"I know." She kissed him on his cheek. "I think my real job in life, Josh, is to make sure you're never too serious. Come on. We're going to be late." 

"Hey." 

CJ looked up from the paper she was reading. "Hey! Leo said you were coming in." She got up from her desk and embraced Donna in a warm hug. "I have more cookies." 

"Please, CJ no more cookies. Josh is putting on weight, which is great. But so am I, which is not so great." 

"Please," CJ groaned. "You look amazing. Glowing even. I think I hate you. Josh here?" 

"He's in with Leo. They are having the comeback talk." 

"Ah. Is Josh ready to come back?" 

Donna nodded a little sadly. "He is." 

"You coming back with him?" 

"I am. He needs me and I'm quite a sucker when it comes to Josh needing me." 

"Yeah, but do you want to come back?" 

"Yeah," Donna nodded. "Yes. Absolutely. I miss the pace. The chaos. The people." 

"So this is good?" CJ asked. 

This time Donna nodded like she meant it. This was good. At least that was her story and she was sticking to it. "Very good." 

She wandered back to Josh's office figuring she would get a head start on putting things in order and was pleasantly surprised to see that his office was neat and organized. 

"I figured out the folder system," Peter said from behind her. 

Donna turned out smiled. "It's a good system." 

"Mostly, I've just been keeping things moving, keeping them from piling up." 

"You've done a good job." 

"Thanks. Am I fired?" 

"Uh...." Donna wasn't quite sure how to answer that question. "I'm not firing you." That much was true. 

"Right. Well, if he's going to do it, could he do it like tomorrow... I've got an invite to head to the beach with some friends." 

"I'll let him know." 

Peter turned to leave then stopped. "I would try really hard... you know to work with him. I just thought I would put that out there." 

"Okay." 

"And he left his back pack here. I put it away because I didn't think he would want it lying around. I'll get it for you." 

Donna sat in his chair and thought about how many hours she spent in this office. Then she thought about the hours to come and tried to be excited by it. After all she would be working with Josh again. And that was never dull. 

Peter put the back pack on the desk and left, shutting the door to give her some privacy. The kid definitely had potential, Donna thought. 

Out of habit she opened the zipper to clean out what she knew was going to be a mess and found her diary. 

Her heart clenched at the sight of it, and the knowledge that Sam wasn't kidding when he said he kept it with him always. She skimmed through it and stopped when she saw a ketchup stain. She flipped through a few more pages and saw a thumb smudge. Then a few more pages and saw where the binding had been broken. 

Sam said he'd skimmed it. But this diary had been more than skimmed. 

"So I read it." 

Donna never heard his door open. He closed it behind him and crossed his arms over his chest. 

"So you knew." 

"I hoped. I didn't know. Just because you wrote... I didn't know. Not for sh..sure. I wanted to believe that you didn't come back because of pity. But you never said..." 

"I love you." 

"Yeah, that." 

"I love you. I did then. I do now." 

"I lllove you too," he said. 

"I know. You wait every night until you think I'm asleep to say it, but I heard you a few nights ago." 

"Coward," he accused himself. 

"I was too." 

"We were both..th stupid." 

"Yeah." 

"I'm coming back." 

"Okay." 

"You aren't," he told her. 

"Because Leo doesn't want a convicted..." 

"Because I don't want you to. You're going to be a teacher." 

"I am?" she smiled. 

"Because it's not just about me." 

"It isn't?" 

He shook his head. "And I'm going to learn to lllive with Peter." 

"Okay." 

"The Press..sident wants us to join him." 

Donna put her diary back in his backpack and zipped it up. "You know you really should have had this under lock and key." 

"Are you kidding? I made copies and sssold it." 

"You're funny." 

"I know," he smirked. "Hey, sso I was thinking...." 

"Yes?" she said getting up and taking his outstretched hand. 

"I'm going to be forty-ththree. I was sshot and had a stroke. I'm mostly a moody selfish bastard, but I do love you." 

"Getting easier and easier to say that isn't it?" 

He nodded. "Marry me?" 

"Marry me what?" She smiled. 

He smiled back. "Marry me, Donna?" 

"Kay." 

He let out a deep breath. 

"You're mother wants grandchildren." 

"I know. Mmultiple." 

"We'll start with two, see where we go." 

He felt his heart tumble in his chest and wondered if now he wasn't having a heart attack. 

"It's going to be fine. We made a hellava comeback, Josh." 

"Yeah." They did. 


End file.
